My Expectation(s) of Thailand

........is none.

I'm aware; an individual without an expectation appears to be a hopeless person. It appears to many not having any expectation shows lacks of hopes and dreams. It shows a sense of surrender. It makes me sound like I'm giving up on Thailand.

I disagree.

Thailand, just like any other countries, has bads and goods; ups and downs. New Year is just another day. The world is still spinning. We continue to do our things. Thailand remains a country; not hell nor heaven. Many love Thailand, many hate Thailand. Many believe Thailand is an exotic location while other says Thailand is a high crime area.

The bottom line is: who cares?

I can names many things that make me frustrated about Thailand and can make a long list of what can be changed in order to make Thailand a better place. But again, why look into what I don't like about it.

Saying I dislike this and hate that aren't going change a thing. Why not concentrate on what I like about it. At least, it is healthy to stick with positive things. I cherish what Thailand has as a country and the country that I grew up on; many little things--bad or good--count and these little things are perfect components of making me who I am today.

So It's a New Year. It's just another day. Let's make a wish and take actions; instead of making unnecessary expectations.

PS: I'm writing and posting this based on US Central Stadard time. Happy New Year in Thailand. Here is the US....we are 4 hours shy of New Year.

That easy????

Guess it shouldn't be something to brag about. Hey! World.....my blog's reading level is *HIGH SCHOOL*. Wow......what a big shock!

Let me go bang my head against the wall a few times fellas. I need some times to get myself together a bit, drag my truely self out of misery, being depressed a few more days and I will be back.

What the *uck!!!!

.....and I thought I write smart.......

Random Thoughts

I've been lazy; I had been simply too lazy to maintain my very own blog in the past two weeks. I have no idea why.

Haven't done much in the past two weeks either. Let's see:

I think I got a *flu shot* on the 17th. This must be my first flu shot ever.
I'd been sick....flu virus...something like that.
I've been hunting and considering to relocate to downtown Indianapolis. On-going.
Work

This Sunday, Dan and I plan to go to South Bend for Christmas...........................................................

When should I go to Thailand again?

Sexiest Man Alive 2007

Every year, People magazine rank 100 men as 'Sexiest Man Alive'. Criteria? Not really sure. Do I agree with them? Not this year. Here is the top 10 men who are supposed to be ten sexiest. Wanna see pictures, google their name or just go to www.people.com.
1. Matt Demon
2. Patrick Dempsey
3. Ryan Reynolds
4. Brad Pitt
5. James Mcavoy
6. Johnny Depp
7. Dave Annable
8. Will Smith
9. Javier Bardem
10. Shemar Moore
I've always wonder: why Brad Pitt? He seems to be extraordinary 'hot' in millions of girls' eyes, youngs or olders. Is it his large jawlines? Is that dirty blonde hair? Brad is a good looking guy, but he is not close to top ten....at least to me. And girls, do you really think Patrick Dempsey is sexy? What about Matt Demon? Matt Demon is surely cute, but sexy?

I define something sexy (oh yeah.....things can be sexy too!) when that particular thing has sex appeals such as brandy glasses. I also define a woman sexy when that woman has curves..carries hour glass figure and is able to express her feelings through her eyes. I define a man sexy when his body has definitions with muscular figure, carries a body that can protect and has deep voice.

Too many to name......

Snow coming.....snow

Another....year, again, I'm complaining. I never seem to get used to it...ever.

When this time of the year comes around, there is this voice running back and forth, taking over my head, asking me: "what the hell am I doing here?" Of all the places in the US, what the heck am I doing in the snowey state of Indiana?"

I'm so mad at myself starting this month when the temperature starts to drop. The madness of myself goes from December all the way to February (if I'm lucky enough), but mostly will go all the way to March next year.

I come to sense that I don't really hate snow itself (though I don't like it either!), but more of a driving in snow.

Driving in snow can be a great challege. Last week, a friend of mine said that driving in a slipery road can be fun when you are sliding all over the place; it's just like an ice skating. I am thinking, heck no, no fun here for me. It may have been fun if I am the *only* driver on the road. Now, reality is, it's not gonna happen in millions years. When I am driving on an icy road, I'm not only dangerous to myself, but to those drivers nearby. When I'm driving on a snowey, slipery road, I'm already sliding (oh heck no, ABS does nothing for my life and car while I'm driving), but every single time I look over to the guy nearby, they are sliding as well. I'm not even talking about those in front and behind me.

It's coming though, whether I like it or not. Tonight all the way to tomorrow--our first snow in Indy will be up to 5 inches high. I really do hope our weather guy is wrong.

Forgive and Forget

Just a thought, a personal ponder, an opinion.

I get irritated a lot, then I forget. When I tell somebody I forget something, I really mean what I say. Whatever it is; doesn't bother or matter to me anymore. Somebody isn't like that and it's cool. We all have different approaches.

But I find it very annoying.

There are times when people offend me, piss me off; making me wanting to bite their head off. I do let them know though that I don't appreciate it. But soon, I find a reason or so to forgive them. I don't hold grudges against them. I don't use that very reason to attack them or even mention it to cause irrational problems. But if they ask me if I have forgotten, I'd tell them straight up I haven't and there is no due date on when I will. I may forget next week, next month or next year. But chances are: I just simply do not forget--never. I'm usually not like this unless there are certain circumstances I find very unexceptable.Throughout my lifetime, I can count 2. I keep it as a lesson I guess. Personally I don't think it is a good quality in me. Well, it isn't good for me mentally because this kinds of thing can add up if you know what I mean. If I can find a reason to let it go from my never-forgetting mind, I think I should. It allows more space in my brain to absorb many other positive things. What I dislike most is that Many people say they have forgiven and actually have forgetten, but when you look deep down into their eyes, they really haven't--at all. This kind of thing shows if you know what I mean.

I wonder what other people think about this matter when they honestly look at themselves and how they handle certain things that bother them most. Do they just forgive and forget it, or they forgive, but not forget or the other way around? I wonder if they ever hold grudges against somebody? Do they let that person know? I'm just wondering.

I told ya. It's just another boring blog from me (which I've been doing a lot lately) lol.

Forgive and Forget

Just a thought, a personal ponder, an opinion.

I get irritated a lot, then I forget. When I tell somebody I forget something, I really mean what I say. Whatever it is; doesn't bother or matter to me anymore. Somebody isn't like that and it's cool. We all have different approaches.

But I find it very annoying.

There are times when people offend me, piss me off; making me wanting to bite their head off. I do let them know though that I don't appreciate it. But soon, I find a reason or so to forgive them. I don't hold grudges against them. I don't use that very reason to attack them or even mention it to cause irrational problems. But if they ask me if I have forgotten, I'd tell them straight up I haven't and there is no due date on when I will. I may forget next week, next month or next year. But chances are: I just simply do not forget--never. I'm usually not like this unless there are certain circumstances I find very unexceptable.Throughout my lifetime, I can count 2. I keep it as a lesson I guess. Personally I don't think it is a good quality in me. Well, it isn't good for me mentally because this kinds of thing can add up if you know what I mean. If I can find a reason to let it go from my never-forgetting mind, I think I should. It allows more space in my brain to absorb many other positive things. What I dislike most is that Many people say they have forgiven and actually have forgetten, but when you look deep down into their eyes, they really haven't--at all. This kind of thing shows if you know what I mean.

I wonder what other people think about this matter when they honestly look at themselves and how they handle certain things that bother them most. Do they just forgive and forget it, or they forgive, but not forget or the other way around? I wonder if they ever hold grudges against somebody? Do they let that person know? I'm just wondering.

I told ya. It's just another boring blog from me (which I've been doing a lot lately) lol.

If you can't beat them, JOIN them

While I'm writing this blog, I'm waiting for Steelers/ Dolphins game to start. There has been a delay though due to some on-going rain and lightings--this is killing those new grasses laid nicely at Heinz Field. It will be muddy night in Pittsburg (though I'm not complaining. I'm very anticipating to see muddy Rothisburger rolling around the on field any minutes now.)

Living in Indianapolis myself offers me many opportunity to attend many professional sport events from Pacers to Colts and the city itself is the home of NCAA headquarter, especially last year, the Colts has won our city the first Lombardi Trophy--this makes it more exciting for sport fans around here. Since I've moved to the US, I know I'll end up liking football. Aside from my job requirement to attend various games from time to time, I find myself begging my boss to let me go to football games--both home and away games. Football (American football) has appealed to me as an aggressive sport. During my first year in the US, little as I knew, I didn't understand the game well (although I understand enough of how form-fitting those pants are, lol). So I didn't get to enjoy it. At first I a little oppose an idea of sitting there and watching a game after another. Saturdays are college games and Sundays are NFL....soon I learn the system. Living in an environment when almost all my friends, co-workers, boyfriend and pretty much anybody I know worship football, I soon join them.

I find football pretty amazing really. I'm not surprise how much I love football now, but I'm a little surpise on how long I can sit and watch football on weekends. For once, I'm amazed on how big of the football business and how much money/ business football has generated to the city. I'm thinking about a controversial subject occured in Indianapolis just a year or so ago on whether the city should use tax payers money to fund a new Colt stadium. By the time I know it, I can see a brand new billions dollars stadium 80% built anticipating to be ready for 2008 season a few minutes from my apartment.

Okay...I'm off to watch the game. See ya!

First Snow on Thanksgiving

I'm not a festive person--either inside or outside of Thai traditions. So when it comes to one of these American's family-bound holidays--Thanksgiving--I'm not too excited about it either; nothing personal. That's what exactly I'd told my boyfriend this past week, "Hey, since I have to come back to work on Friday, I'm cool if you want to go without me." Of course, that sounds very much like an excuse to him. So I went ahead--just to please every party involved--hanging out with them on the Turkey day.

Americans seem to make a big deal out of a few holidays--one is Thanksgiving, another is Christmas. Many say these two days bring family together, spend time with them and enjoy good foods. Since many people here realize I don't have many family members around in the States; they automatically assume I must be lonely. They don't know better I guess. If I am to miss my family, it doesn't matter if it's Thanksgiving or Christmas. I am to miss my family on, say, Columbus Day, and I am to miss my family on Veteran day or any other no-name days......I do not need *special* festive holiday to miss them. Though...this doesn't get through many's head. Don't get me wrong. I'm no holidy hater. I'm absolutely thankful for my boyfriend's family to insist on having me to attend this very special event at their home. I'm thankful for those neatly-made traditional foods laid on a large table. I'm very grateful for having such wonderful parties and conversations (oh...and those pies with whipped cream..yummm).

But it can be awkward, at times, when some ask if I miss my family today. I find it extremely strange to tell them, "no...I actually missed them yesterday." So I said, yes....realizing I'm such a big liar. Then they ask, "how do you like the Turkey?"

*Sign*.......................................................................

FYI: Thanksgiving 11/22/07 this year has marked the very first day of snowing. Up in South Bend where I went to stay for a few days, the lake (Michigan) effect had hit us. So here it is...it's already here...that damn snow! I hope it will wait a couple of weeks before seeing snow in Indianapolis.

Winter in Indianapolis

I remember my first time seeing a real snow several years back during my trip to Scandinavians. It was so excited, running around like a mad man, making snow balls, rolling myself around for quite some hours in the middle of the night.

I remember how beautiful it was looking at lands covering with layers of pure white icy snow.
Snow had remained a picture perfect during my first year in the US when I was so thrilled to breath out the cold air. My very first winter I was still obsessed with shopping for winter boots, scarves, gloves and other cute outer gears. I was so excited to stomp my feet onto a 10" high snow on the ground. I was very much into the concept of photographing myself outside with loads of snow to show friends and family in Thailand.

Those excitement doesn't last long.

See, my first year I wasn't aware of the side effects of snow during winter time. My skin becomes extremely dry, my nose is runny all the time, it takes forever to go outside because I have to shove the snow, clear the drive way, clear the snow laid on my car, warm my car up, putting on winter gears and list goes on. The most painful thing to do is *driving.* I am not going to talk much about driving in this blog (yes, I have lots to say about it, guess I will safe it for later).
A
nd that second year here, I become to realize...I'm cold all the time. My feet, my finger tips and my nose, they are so sensitive to cold weather.

I wonder how ones get used to this condition. I ask many fellow co-workers whether they all have gotten used to it, none has said yes. Many has mentioned there is no such things as getting used to cold weather.

......and the worst time of the year is coming---December, January, February and March.

Just a Blog?

I know.....I've been gone from my very own/ truely blog for a while. What a shame leaving my own established blog for others...*sign*

You know, a few months back, I've been invited by a former supervisor at the Nation to join the weblog. Skeptical I felt at first, I joined it anyway. I must admit. The past few months have been fun trading some ideas with such diversed populations from all over the world. I've been pretty active and regular at the site I think.

But today...I'm no longer sure. I see people come and go, and some cannot even handle conflicts and differences between them and others. I see some people over-analyze things, over think, over-opinionate on different topics. It can be annoying I'm telling you--seeing people acting like a child--yeah...weird, but true. It annoys the heck out of me... I know it's hard to explain and not sounding rediculous. After all it's just a blog.

Then I realize...it really is just a blog. Maybe it's time for me to take a little vacation from the Nation weblog for a second.

You Win Some, You Lose Some

It just ended a few minutes ag0. I strongly felt disappointed, discouraged and pretty much down.

Indianapolis Colts was defeated by New England Patriots 20-24. It is our first loss of this season bringing us to 7-1. It was a big deal to me for a few minutes. Until I've discovered a few things. I though have found a light through this disappointment that just has occurred to me.

I'm not going to talk football here, but more of a big picture. Last season, the Colts has won the first Super Bowl for this city since Irsay has bought the team in the 80s from Baltimore. The first---so imagine anything with the first time ever in it; it's big. Since then, people just love the team more. Many Colts-logo items have been sold like hot cakes. Indianapolis has turned to be a big sport town...bigger than before. People are dedicating to the team. Dedication comes with its price; people's hope and expectation are higher than ever. So with the loss tonight, for a second, it felt unbearable. I've been thinking about life (not the football anymore). People set certain expectations on something, having high hope, then they fell. When people expect something of someone too much, if things go good; it's great. If things go bad, they fall. When they fall, they fall hard and it hurts a bunch.

What if we all try not to have expectations and just take life as the way it is. What if we live for today and go by the flow. I guess when we fall, we won't fall as hard. What if we don't take life too seriously and except things just the way they are.

You win some, you lose some. Sounds fair to me. What about you?

The Nude Guru

When I was living in Thailand, my addiction to his ways of writing and his unique attitude is very high. I've been a big fan. What's not to love about Thailand's nude guru/ artist/ writer, Niwat Kongpien?

In case some of you guys don't really know him, Niwat Kongpien is known for his love of female body. Not sure if he is still writing for the weekly Matichon, but he has had a weekly column with them analyzing female's bodies in *details.* Niwat mainly discusses about revealing photographs taken on magazines or books. And the way he writes about them is one of the reasons I just love the guy.

Easy-to-follow, unique, straight-to-the-point, blunt, provocative and confident ways he portrays each photograph are admirable. He describes sexual desire, parts and feelings like nobody else. He sees what most people don't.

To many people, he is siding to be a pervert. To me, he is aiming towards beauties of human's body, and honesty of human's sexuality. A few years ago, I got an accident chance to talk to him. His attitude towards his career and Thai society have amazed me until today. His progressive thoughts make me feel that we need more of him in the society. I believe he fills in a few missing important spots in Thai society--criticism, assertiveness and sexuality.

It comes down to this.........

Yep, I've got it. My latest jersey I'd been contemplating about getting one of this....Colts's Vinatieri away jersey number 4.

I must admit....a jersey can be pricey since the material is nothing close to the word *comfortable* since there is no such as thing as *strechy* of a jersey's component. I mean....why'd want to pay over $55 for a piece of tent-like fabric? What about those rediculously expensive/ so-called *authentic* jersey costing over $300 just so I can have them numbers of a stranger's last name stitched on my back? Yeah...I was that person who made a similar comment just like that a few years back.

Not anymore, yesterday, I've made a small purchase (and I only say 'small' because the couple that had just walked pass me probably pay several hundreds dollars on beany chairs, Colts leather jackets and only God knows what else) for a little over $50 for an away Vinatieri jersey. Initially, I went all the way to Colts Pro Shop in Circle Center, downtown in search for Dallas Clark away jersey. Nope...no luck. The dude is a popular guy this year. I've settle for this kicker, for now. I'm thinking I already have Manning pink jersey, this Vinatieri away one....next time when I see Clark, I will get a home jersey...big blue.

I'm excited. Over the year, I've become one of those losers paying way too much money for a piece of tent-like fabric that would probably cost like $3 to make.

What if you were a handicap in Thailand...

My answer is, you'd be screwed---oh so screwed.

I have to admit. I'd never really put a thought onto this subject until my recent trip to Thailand. As many trips as I took, I did not see one disabled person in the public, not even *one*.

Is it possible Thailand does not have people with disabilities? Aren't we have those using a wheelchair for ambulation? Aren't we have those who are mentally challenges? Well, 100% we do. It's pretty universal, right?

But, where the heck are they?

Don't they shop at Siam Square? Aren't they do weekly grocery shopping just like everyone of us do? Don't they dine in a restaurant in Central Ladprao? I believe they want to. But where are they?

I'm aware Thailand is trying. The country as a whole has been slowly attempting to assist those with disabilities. There are some handicap restroom as I can see. Unfortunately, when I look around, they are not even enough. Obviously, we cannot only provide only handicap-friendly restrooms if you know what I mean. We need to build more of the public-friendly environments.
We need more pedestrian safety programs promoting a safe environment (start with a side walk, maybe) for those who use adaptive devices. We needs more public assisting tools (say, automatic doors) and we need to make certain spaces bigger for whoever that may need them.
As far as I'm concern, when ones are disabled, that doesn't translate into strictly staying at their own cribs. I'm just talking about those who are physically handicap only for now, not yet ranting about those with mental challenges.

When teaching is NOT my thing

I have been aware of it. So it's not like a big surprise when finding out how much I suck at training or teaching other people. In the past two weeks, the company I work for has hired a new person in my department. Unfortunately, I've been assigned to train her and to be her "mentor."

*sign*

My lack of impatience has been killing me slowly and slowly. The girl has no background whatsoever, yet it's not really her fault to not know all the red tapes and bureaucratic things can get. Imagine teaching people from the ground up--counting from zero to who-knows-what. It pisses me off. She asks (which is understandable) and asks and asks and asks. Me, I'm going nuts! But see, I can't be all bi-polar-ish with her either. It's not really her, it's ME. Me who is extremely short temper and have less than zero patience.

Today is supposed to be my last day of training her....the rest is just acting as a counselor. Answer when she questions. Suggest when she needs. Hold her hands as needed.

Thank God it's weekend.

Which Housewife Are You?--little fun quiz

I've found out just a few seconds ago, I'm Lynette of Desperate Housewives! The abc website's 'which housewife are you?' quiz reads.....

"You gave up a great job for this? No one really appreciates you, and yet you slog on, with very little sleep and very little thanks. Who can blame you when you occasionally lose it? Hang in there. Just lay off the Ritalin."

Hey......I have no comment on this quiz result above. There is nothing to dislike about this show, though, there are a lot to love about it. A while back when all the girls love 'Sex and the City' so much, though Sex and the City' has their down time. This 'Desperate Housewives' has not have one yet (according to me!). This season three has been going so good. I love the show! Many people who haven't seen this show yet often wonder what make the show so special. Well, I say it offers me with lots of flavors--comedy, thriller, suspense, drama and family. Also love the screen play. Love the show. And thanks to my Comcast DVR--I no longer have to watch commercials!!!

Jerseys

I've been thinking about buying a new jersey--guess now is a good time to get a new one at the beginning of the season.

But still contemplating about colors and numbers. Blue one = home game or white one = away game. 18 = Manning or 44 = Clarks, or our favorite kicker. Still thinking, can't seem to be able to come up with a solution.

The Colts has been winning, so no worry about them. If I am to wear a jersey to represent the team, which color what color would it be?

My Mission Statement

1) Attempt to lose weights
2) Exercise at least 3 times a week
3) Eat more fruits and veggies
4) Eat less sugar and salt
5) Eat less fried foods

At this point, I extremely want to make number # 2 and 4 happen.

Rob Zombie's Halloween

I'm one of those weirdos--always end up rooting for the bad guy. Recently, I come across a recent film made by Rob Zombie--the Halloween aka Mike Myers movie. This movie has been around for a while, re-made, re-edited. The recent one by Rob Zombie though, I won't put it on a top list of my fav movies, but it makes me think--I've always been rooting for bad boys.

As a fan, I've always felt bad for our bad boy here. According to myself, Michael Myers ain't bad since he was born. Heck, with a family background like that, I'd have turned psycho as well. It seems to me he has his reasons to kills, though I disagree with his action, I too feel for him. Not sure if this is what Rob Zombie is trying to get his point across, but if he is, it works--with me. Well, if you've been following this movie, you'll see, so many times, the movie (s) show Myers's bitter background. I guess, again GUESS, nobody is originally bad. It has a lot to do with environments and experiences. These should give me or you another reason to forgive those to have done bad things. Well, at least some of them.

Lifestyle

Nope, I'm not there just yet. I'm still adjusting back to my routine and all. Lifestyle here and there are so much different; it will take me another week or so.

Since I've turned 30 several months ago, I've been thinking a lot about my health and what I am supposed to do to make myself age smoother. I guess my purpose isn't something like wanting to live forever, but I also do not want to die by 50 either. Before I left for Thailand, I had made an appointment with a family doctor, and here last Thursday, I went off to see him. I'm very proud of my choice of my very few docs and he is one of them. Dr. Stines is about 52 years old and is a very very nice guy, though that isn't what I will be talking about him. His wife told me the reason he has left a big coporate practice is because they never allow enough time for him with his patient though he felt like he needs more time with each one of them. So here he is, having his own practice and his wife has become his medical assistance. I just think that's really cute. Anyhow I talked with him last Thursday about whether I should get a physical exam--you know those annual blood works, choresterol, stuff like that. He signed, and said there is no need for it now. He said something like that is used to detect bad stuff and he feels it is not needed by people younger than 50 years old. He said he guess if I want to I can go ahead and get that done, but he doesn't think that the result of my exam will help him treating me anyway. He went blah blah blah of how inessential annual is for another 10 minutes and told me, " I will let you know when you need it, alright!"

Now....I don't know. I guess I will just listen to the MD--the degree I don't have. I mean, I have to listen to him, right?

Weight Gain and Other Stuff

As I've expected, I came back to the US with weight gain. I will not even want to mention, how much, but I can feel my work pants get tighten. What a frightening experience!

Shopping in Thailand is a lot of fun, but eating in Thailand is much more fun. I'd chosen to eat almost everything I like and cannot find back in the States. I remember making a daily trip to Bon Marche Market to get a bite off Piek-Poon--a kind of desserts I cannot even explain why I like it and what it tastes like. Yes, another thing I cannot find in this great country of America. I've bought several kinds of foods back. As much as I hate to have a trouble getting inspected at the custom at the airport, I have agreed with myself I must take a risk. I packed things like Pla-Salids, Pan-Sips and some nam-prik in my suitcases (of course, they were well sealed!) taking my chances. If I were to get picked for an inspection and they'd take those yummy stuff away from me, so be it. At least I know I've tried. Luckily, it was one of those very few days. I didn't get stopped. I passed ALL DA WAY!!!

It is funny (and that was why I insisted packing my suitcases alone to avoid humiliations, ha) and I'm not sure if other fellow Thais do have a taste like me. Besides food shopping to bring back, I'd do personal hygiene items shopping as well. Items such as cheap facial cream, facial foam (love the Shogubutsu), Parrot soap bars, toothpaste...stuff like that. I love buying those stuff back here because they remind me of Thailand--something that is a little hard to explain. Like Parrot soap bars, they smell sooooo good, sooooo refreshing. So far, no soap bars in the US can beat it, so how can I resist the temptation to spend 32 bahts on 4 soap bars--it's hard to beat the deal. When I was shopping for these stuff at Big C near by house, I was thinking about how many Thais pay so much money to use imported goodies. Me, on the other hands, pays less than ever, to carry back made-in-Thailand items. The quality may be as good if you know what I'm saying. There are some wise venders carry several Bath and Body Works items. A regular 10oz bottle of shower gel costs over 450 bahts. A little one sold for 250 bahts. I wonder how Thai college kids can afford these stuff? Oh..I'm just complaining like an old lady!!!

First Day Back from the Thailand Trip

I miss home already! Getting home sick at the age of 30......sounds funny, but very very true.

3 weeks and a little bit have proven not even close of enough time to visit family and friends, but enough to make I miss them when being away. Monday the 24th, I got to the new airport by 4am to take a flight to Narita, then Chicago to Indianapolis. Pretty smooth flight I must say--no problem with immigration and custom whatsoever. 6 hours and a bit for a flight from BKK to Narita. About 11-12 hours from Narita to Chicago and another hour from Chicago to Indy.

The whole home sick thing didn't hit me until the plane actually landed at Indy airport and worse when I walked into my very own apartment--no parents, no siblings, no dogs. It's strange.

Thailand Trip # the last weekend

How am I going to make my last weekend worthwhile? Too many things needed to be done--seems impossible:

1) Visit other family members
2) Other friends to talk, to meet
3) Buying some books
4) Doing more eating

During my trip home this time, I've discovered this mall 'Platinum' near Pratunam area, selling very very cheap goodies. I bought many crystal-look alike key chains for 50 bahts a piece. Another day seeing the same one sold at JJ Plaza for 159 bahts--triple the price at Platinum. This shopping archad will be my must-go destination during my next trip home. Oh gosh, I feel like a tourist in my own town. Seeing things, getting so excited with such bargain prices. Bangkok has been changing, new ways, new streets, new routes--I hope these changes are leading the city to a good destination. What am I going to do this weekend? My last weekend.

Thailand Trip # precious things

Many Thais wear yellow shirts to honor the

King's 80th birthday. Government and workplace now encourage their employees to wear *yellow* which is the King's birth day (Monday) on Monday. Though anybody, really, wear this shirt and I'm talking about everywhere, especially on Monday. It's so cute. I guess this really applies to any day, but Monday will be the day I see 80% of the people wear them.

Who knows? My trip to Thailand is almost over already! What am I going to do without:

1) All these great Thai foods, desserts, snacks. I'm not a big fan of cake, yes, cake, but last week manage to discover this little cake shop at Bon Marche in Prachanivech called Bow Cake. The Bai-Teiy flavour makes me wish I weigh 35 kilos, so I can just eat all I want.
2) The cheap tropical Thai herbs.
3) The foot massage.

And during these past 2 weeks, I've managed to get addicted to a Korean series, Ju-Mong. By the day, only a few days left, I should start planning a serious shopping trip. Last Sunday, I got a chance to visit Platinum mall near Pratunam. GREAT PLACE TO SHOP! No need to go to JJ market. Here is air conditioned and is very very cheap place to buy stuff. So many earrings I got from that day. 10 bahts a pair, can't find this deal anywhere else.

Food of the day: fish noodles, pan-klips, more tod-muns, kao-tung-na-tung etc.
News update: Total death from Phuket plane crash = 89 bodies
Initial compensation from Orient Thai = 100,000 bahts

One-Two-Go Airline's accident in Phuket

Deputy Phuket Governor Worapot Rattasima said at least 66 bodies were retrieved from the aircraft. Earlier report said most of the victims were foreigners, have been retrieved from wreckage of a One-Two-Go plane at the Phuket airport. The budget airliner exploded and broke in two after it crashlanded and skidded off the runway and crashed into nearby walls on Sunday afternoon. More are feared dead.

Some reports put the death toll at about 80, but this has yet to be confirmed. The nationalities of those onboard are not immediately known, but Phuket is a highly popular destination for overseas tourists. There were 74 Thais on the plane. It's the first local disaster involving low-cost airline following its profileration about four years ago.
A 1126 telephone hotline has been created by the airline to provide immediate information about Flight OG 269. A surviving Thai passenger said the plane "landed hard" and "bounced" and then skidded off the runway. Civil aviation official Chiasak Angkauwan said, "the airplane requested to land but due to the weather in Phuket -- strong wind and heavy rain -- maybe the pilot did not see the runway clearly."

"The plane then fell onto the runway and broke into two. It is expected that there will be a lot of casualties."
"We are rescuing people from the aircraft ... we know now there were 123 passengers and five crew," he told the news channel.
"We won't know what really happened until we get information from the black box."

The airliner services Bangkok-Phuket flights six times a week. The ill-fated airline left Don Muang airport at about 2.30pm. Information now coming in said the plane, which was being used by local budget travel company, One-to-Go Airline, had 123 passengers and five crew.
Officials said victims could have died on impact, or from suffocation and fire resulting from explosions. According to an initial account, the plane's fuselage was torn open when the aircraft crashed into an earth wall, and some of the survivors were those thrown out through the opening.

The aircraft, flight number OG 269, approached the Phuket airport at about 3.40pm from Bangkok. Phuket had earlier been hit by heavy rains. It crashed into trees and walls surrounding the airport. Eye-witnesses said the impact of the crash caused the plane to break in two and they heard a series of explosions. Rescue teams and navy personnel were involved in the rescue operation. All flights in and out of the Phuket airport have been cancelled.
An Irish tourist, identifying himself only as "John", said he was on board the flight. He and his friend survived with bruises all over their bodies. "We sat on the 18th row. The weather was real bad and there were lots of unusual noises during the landing. Something was obviously wrong [during the landing]," he said. He and his friend escaped through the emergency door.Meanwhile Transportation Minister Thira Haochareon said Phuket International Airport was temporary closed after the crash.Thira said the body of the aircraft hit the runway and was on fire fire while the pilot made an attempt to pull it off after failed a landing attempt, he said.
Key features of MacDonnel Douglas MD82

Passenger capacity: 175 seatsEngine type: Pratt & Whitney JT 8D217 A/CAircraft speed: Faster than sound by 0.76 times; 430 miles per hourFlight ceiling: 37,000 feetFlight distance: 3,500 kilometres

(Photo and Story Courtesy by the Nation--Thailand) at 8:28pm

Thailand Trip # another joy of being here

I know this will sound funny--another reason I love about being here is I get to indulge all of those Thai-translated Japanese cartoons as much as I can take it. I've been a big fan of Japanese cartoons and animations since...I can read. This means business. I started of reading a classic cartoon *Doraemon* just like any other kids. I bought my first cartoon when it was sold for 10 bahts or a little less a piece. Those old cartoons have been kept nicely here at my parents' house here--untouched by others. My family knows not to throw them away...ever. Then from classic/ kid-friendly Doraemon, I've expaned into other series, girls, boys cartoons I read them all. I especially love those with Japanese history story base.

Many of my friends who were into it with me back then no longer read them now. They let go of cartoon when they went to college or a little later. Me, as a 30-year-old, still faithfully read them......very religiously. It's almost impossible to find one in the States. I can't make myself reading cartoons in English. Since I can't read Japanese, Thai fits best here. My trip this time has been a joy. When I get a minute here and there, there are cartoons I spend most time with. What a happy life not many people understand.

The recent price update: 35-45 bahts/ cartoon (black and white)
80 bahts/ colored cartoon

Most recent favorite cartoonist: Ueda Rinko

Thailand Trip # Southern of Thailand

No no no, not Phuket or Ko Samui. I left BKK on Monday to visit family living in Had Yai in Songkla province. Tomorrow, Friday, will be my last day here then heading back to my good ol' Bangkok. Had Yai is a pretty good town--even though the city, for some reasons, does not carry bunch of the same groups of tourists as its neighbors, Phuket and Samui. Most tourists visiting Had Yai are largely Malaysians, Singaporeans and Chineses. Not sure why. Maybe Had Yai does not carry the *atmosphere* similar to the two places mentioned above. Shopping in Had Yai is great! Lots of tax free and fake goodies are like heaven to me. I pretty much buy anything I need, except for perfumes and electronics. I'm not an expert in these areas, so chances are, I will end up with fake/ low quality goods with a higher price. So I mostly leave perfumes and electronics alone just to give myself a peace.

Conversation between vender and customer in Had Yai usually goes like this:
Vender: "Do you want a fake _______ or a real one?"
Customer: "em........real one."
Vender: "Here it is. It's 100% genuine. You can trust me."
Customer: Flipping through the good back and forth, "how do I know?"
Vender: "Here" while pointing to different label on the, say, a bottle of perfume.
Customer: still not so sure whether it's real.

Venders here are good. They know when to lie and who to lie to. They can tell whether you are a local or not. Every shopper must be careful.

Foods of the day: not sure what anymore---too many things like southern kanom jeen, all the popular southern dishes (since my mom's family is from here so I've been going to so many famous restaurants and childhood food spots. Can't even list them all here.)

Thailand Trip # foot massage

Oh gosh..................who says money cannot buy happiness? Money definitely can buy some happinesses and foot massage is something money can buy.

Money = Foot Massage = Happiness

This is one thing I've been dreaming of being done. Getting massaged in the US is something I'd call, luxury. Who want to pay $60 or more/ hour of foot rub? I don't. I know these well-trained Thai fellas can do a much better job with a few dollars an hour. I pay a little higher price for my foot rub today, well, higher than average of Thai standard. Say, 300 bahts. I pulled out my calculator and it shows me about $8.

Foot massage. Something I'll get on a daily basis while in Thailand. Something money can buy. I can hear my feet cry in joy today...loudly.

Thailand Trip # the changes

Visiting Thailand this time, again, many things have changes. Bangkok has turned to be one concrete-made city. The city is, worse than ever, over crowded, polluted and well concreted. I have been thinking, whenever the city has enough money and free of corruption, I hope sky trains and subway trains can reach all the suburbs. This will fix the traffic problems.

Sept 8 (Saturday): I got to go to *Water Front*, a cool restaurant by Chao Phraya River. It was nice. It was a reunite with old friends I went to CMU with and that I've not seen them for a very long time. A very nice restaurant with good food, nice scenery, great price. I remember coming to this restaurant a little over 3 years ago while working for the Nation.

Stopped by Kao San Road before heading to the restaurant. There is this convenient parking lot near the market by the road. Almost went to JJ market earlier, but after sticking my facing in the steamy market, not sure I could fight the crowd and the heat. So JJ market plan was cancelled.

Today Sunday Sept 9: went to Siam Square again. I found this purse shop in MBK. I'm so grateful being in Thailand. Really appreciate our country's craftmanship. 199 baht/ a purse, as good as it gets, works with me. I don't need no brand names to keep me happy. I figure if I really want a brand name one, no need to come to Thailand for it. Also swung by Siam Paragon, OMG!, this place is so expensive. Can you believe a scoop of ice cream cost 300 bahts. Again, no need to come to Thailand for this. I prefer 15 bahts a scoop from a street vendor.

Love it: the BTS bridges from the station to Central World to Siam Square to MBK. Genious thoughts whoever made it.
Hate it: Thai kids spend their parents fortune on brand name stuff, eating out at a restaurant that will cost more than many people's salary.

Food of the day: Kua-Kling (southern dish), Japanese grilled salmon, Pad Pak Boong Thai (southern style) and other stuff I can't even keep up with.

Thailand Trip # Too Little Time

Sept 5, 2007: Went to Silom and Lalai-Sup with dad, mom and sister. Just realize today I shop well *alone.* This may be a habit, but when I need something, I am more comfortable doing it alone. So yeah....visited Lalai-Sup without getting a thing. In the evening, went to dinner at this place called 'Yuu.' It's like an old Daidomon with better location, beef and much higher price. First time eating iberry icecream--Durian flavor (sure keep my breath exactly like Durian for the rest of the night.)

Food of the day: Grilled beef, iberry Durian, Dim Sum.

Sept 6, 2007: Actually, three weeks and a few days can be either just enough or not that close to enough. I've become to realize today that it'd be much better to make two seperate trips to Thailand--one devoted to family and another for friends. In this case, there is too little time.

Went to Hua-Hin to visit my aunt today (dad's sister.) So much changes going on there since last time I was there a little over 3 years ago. See, this can be a good thing. Since I remember, when I think about Hua-Hin, I think about my dad's side of family. It's strange since I've never once thought of it as a beach town, seafoods or vacations like others. Going there doesn't give me a vacation vibe, but more of a visit with my family. Anyhow, change is good in this case. More stuff to do there I must say.

Food of the day: Hormok (again), fish noodles, kao-gang

Thailand Trip# The food

4:17pm
Went to Central Ladprao today. I didn't get to walk around a whole lot; just basically there for lunch and very sadly to admit--for Japense cartoons (I will blog more later about Japenese cartoons..it will take more than a few lines that's why.) We ate at S&P today and speaking of S&P, I'm not sure how other Thais feel about this place, but man! I just love it. Their foods are so good, creative (we are talking about variety of foods and how they develop these good old traditional Thai foods into something very very awesome! Though, eating there is pretty pricy comparing to amount of foods I get.) My lunch there was great as usual. I also went to Big C, a grocery store, to buy some day-to-day supplies. Again, it takes about 3 seconds to spend 1000 bahts nowadays. Things are pricier I must say. I didn't realize it takes close to more than 100 bahts to buy shower gel. Most shampoo and conditioner cost over 100 bahts. Wow....even though I can't hear what I write, but I do realize I'm falling behind and it sucks. I find myself asking so many questions since I get to Thailand this time and don't know so many things and so many ways people do things around here. I don't mean to sound weird, but it's true!

Speaking of food, I believe, Thai foods must be the best in the world and that coming to Thailand this time is like an eye opener. Foods are available for consumers anytime and everywhere they go. The connection between Thais and their foods are so great. I mean, seriously, Thais eat just about anytime and these vendors sure make it convenient for us all to eat. Until now, I'm not so sure how these girls stay skinny with all of these great foods available within an arm reach. It is one of those few things I miss a lot about living in Thailand.

Food of the day: Yum-Tau-Poo, Por-Pia-Sod, Kao-Mun-Som-Tam, Watermelon shake, Kao-Yum

Thailand Trip: when I've been so far behind

I forgot to add this into my previous blog today and figure it's worth a mention. Visiting Thailand this time is an eye opener. It shows me how far behind I've been all of these years. In the past 3 days, I've been VERY behind more than you can imagine, and yes, it's only been 3 days!
1) Reading Thai gossip magazines, I know almost nobody, no stars, singers, models etc in there. I mean, seriously.
2) I know very little about Thai politics (which no, it doesn't surprise me. Never follow it in the first place.)
3) Any popular celebraty who appeared after 1999, I really don't know them.
4) Never got on the subway.
5) So many new restaurants in town. I can't even keep up with it. Anything I think is hip, it's just not...well.....not anymore!!!

Thailand Trip # the first weekend

On Saturday, I tagged my sister and mom along to Fortune to buy some CDs for my uncles who lives in England. I didn't even know how Fortune set up and that buyers may not need to visit Pantip for this kind of buys. Plenty of cheap CDs and movies. After that, we went to eat at Nai-Nuad restaurant. It's so funny how many things have changed while I live in the U.S. I'm not sure how others feel about it, but it seems to me that 1000 bahts can be blown away in just a second. Many things seem to be much more expensive comparing with the past three year.

In the evening, a friend and I went to Riverfront Restaurant by the Chae Phraya River. I remember coming here once a few years back.

Foods of the day: Tod mun khoong, yam pra dook foo, tom yum koong, kao pad kang keaw wan gai and kai kem.

Sunday: Visit Siam Square and MBK. Since I've arrived to Thailand, one of my missions is to bring back cheap purses (as many as possible) to the U.S. It's hard to beat 199bahts deal here. Many people said 'you've gotten what you've paid for', but heck, who cares? Very very tried. I haven;t sweated this much for a very long time by just walking, but numbers of people in the city are just unbelievable I mean. Back when I was still living in Thailand, I was so used to it.

Foods of the day: Shamu....something. Basically, little bit of sushi and mixtures of sukiyaki-style foods.

Thailand Trip # Day One

Wed 8/29: Took a flight from Indy to Chicago. Waiting like forever at Ohare only to hear the news that the plane would be delay for 2 hours. Didn't leave until 2 something pm. I was thinking, this'd only delay all the flights all the way to BKK.

Wed 8/29-TR 8/30: It's not like I didn't expect this--the flight from Chicago to Narita lasted like a lifetime. It was beyond boring. Not only I didn't have anything interesting to do, the fact that I got stuck with strangers for more than half a day in a small place makes it worse. United airlines was alright. Giving the price I've paid, I don't think I'm entitled to complain much. Though, there were points when I felt it would have been much better to fly first class. Since this flight was delay from the start, I knew that'd leave me little to no time to catch another flight to BKK. Upon arriving to Narita, captain annouced that the airport had hold Narita-BKK flight for us 10 who flew from Chicago. We ran and ran through another gate. Once getting onto the plan to Bangkok, I saw seated passengers passing some kind of judgements to us ten who were about 2 hours late and these people had been waiting for us all along. It wasn't like they had any choice, but so hadn't we.

TR 8/30: Pilot flew that damn plane from Japan like a crazy 16-year-old dude. It took us only 4 hours to get to Bangkok. So surprisingly, I arrived in BKK at 10:20pm...almost 2 hours earlier than our scheduled time. Remember how the plane was 2 hours delay, obviously the captain had made it up for us all.

Friday 8/31: On the phone with so many relatives, family and friends. Took a tour on our new renovated home (outside). I got to go some places a bit today. Traffic in BKK hasn't changed a bit--only worse. I can see there are more concrete in this city and technology is something I haven't catched up with yet.

Foods of the day--gai-yang, som tum, nam tok, soop-nor-mai, hor-mok.

Mixed Feelings

I will be going to Thailand in two days, and weirdly, I've got some mixed feelings. It's so odd.

Of course, I'm excited to be back home again to see family and friends I've not seen for a long time. I wonder if they will look a little older, be a little thinner or a little chubbier. I'm curious to talk to them in person catching up what they have been up to in the past three years and what I've been missing all along. For the most part, I'm thrilled.

But I still have these weird feelings. One of them is an anxiety wondering if they will look at me a little differently. Three years can be a short time, but can also be a long time. I believe people change a little as they age. However I know I'm still the same person with a slight of maturity. I realize there are certain things I used to believe then, but no longer believe now. I am aware of what I thought was right then, but no longer right at this time. The sky may have been blue then, but at the moment, I see it with a hint of yellow. Heck. The way I look at things maybe a little different, but heck, I hope, I'm still the same person. I hope people back home see them along with me.

Many things have been happening to me, unfortunately, I can only share so much. Not being able to see family on a daily basis and trying to catch up within 3 weeks, I don't know how it's going to turn out.

I think this is one of those things I fear most. That's why I'm so anxious. But this still does not count zillions things I want to do there within limited amount of time with friends. I'm afraid time won't allow me to see every one of them.

Pre-Season

I borrow this photo from Colts.com, so I won't be complaining much about the quality of the photos.

Sports photography is challenging, pretty difficult to get great pictures since subjects are moving everywhere. Football is a notch harder I believe. Aside from the moving part, a photographer has this whole field in front of him with bunch of subjects making it very hard to focus. So I understand. In this case, the picture on the left, I will leave it alone. I got it from the website initially to use it for my pre-season blog, but oh well.

I remember photographing my very first football game in my life at Ball State--damn, it was a trip to pure disaster. A large field was one thing, but knowing nothing about football was a big deal. I recall a 400mm lense flying left and right not knowing what was going on. The next thing I noticed was a TV guy laying on his back gotten hit by a big linebacker.

The Hassle(s) of Growing Old

When I really think about it, constantly living for 3 decades and months should be about celebrations (we are talking about living, eating, sleeping minute by minute everyday for 365 days for over 30 years, it should all be about woo-hoo.)

The down side? I'm really getting old. I didn't realize until I get to talk to a doctor another day and he reminds me to start getting some physical examinations done by a family doctor. A *family doctor* huh? American ways are always complicated. My current ENT won't take my blood pressure. I have to go to a so-called family doctor.

So flipping through my insurance book for an in-network MD (another complicated American way,) I found one. So I called, made an appointment and will be off seeing him on Thursday. Being a 30-year-old makes me sick. I have to worry about my cholesterol, blood pressure, decrease in metabolism and my biological clock ticking away (come to think about it. worrying too much about my bio clock = binge eating = high cholesterol = high blood pressure = back to MD = being older than 30.) Being old sucks!

My dad also keeps reminding me of how important it is for me to eat well--all greens and colorful fruits. How I should decrease my sodium intake and fatty goods out there. How often I should work out. How much I should sleep.

Since my 30th birthday a few months ago, these should-do list starts pouring, flooding from different directions. I get to think how wonderful life must have been back when our ancestors were all cavemen; not having to worry much since they didn't get to live long anyway. *sign*

And I mean in a very respectfully reasonable way--as simple as that.

Outlets of America

One of those advantages of living in the U.S. is opportunities of *brand names* shopping at low prices. This, especially comes in pretty handy, when I'm planning a trip back home. I guess my dad is right. There is no point buying, say, brandless name from Walmart, because if you op for whatever-cheaps, Thailand has countless to offer. No need to bother pricey stores elsewhere.

Today, my happy Saturday, Dan and I went to an outlet south of Indianapolis. Unlike Chicago, Hoosiers don't have quality outlets around. The last one I went to was in Muncie years back, and they had already gone out of business due to its suckiness. This outlet in Edinburgh is probably the best around in Indiana--not the best in the market, mind you, but *okay* for Indiana's standard. At least, I got some today for family back home.

It is sad to really think about it. A few years ago when I went to Chicago northside outlets, as much as I don't have anything against Edinburhg (see pic above: thanks Edinburgh website), it hurts to recall how much I'd spent.

Health Care

A friend got admitted to the hospital a few days ago and she got a big surgery this afternoon. Tentatively, she'll end up there for another week or so IF she gets better. The day she was tranported to the hospital, she went by the ambulance. I talked to her this morning, she had a tube down her throat. Normally, she should have been worried about her health and how her life is going to be, eh?

Instead, she's been worried about the bill....to be exact...the bills. Here, we are talking about hospital bill, MD bills, surgery bills, medical equipment, anathesist and so forth. She does not have a health insurance.

I'm not kidding. She is so screwed. No insurance = being so screwed.

Last September when I had my ear surgery, I thought the total cost of it would be somewhere around $3000 or so. My surgery lasted about 30 minutes. I was walking in and out within 3 hours. I didn't even stay there that long. A few weeks later, I got bills--one from MD, one from surgery location I used, one from the sedation guy a.k.a. anathesist, one from where MD practices, and lastly from medical equipment use. Total cost of my 30 minutes surgery (excluding prescribed medications expenses I gotta pick up at Walgreen) ended up about $17,000. Lucky me, I had an insurance, so I only had to pay like $1,300.

Think about her who does not have any insurance. Now, she's probably more worried about money more than her tummy.

Politic(s)

Responsible citizens must be concern about politics, eh?

I've never been concern about it, never really like talking about it, never really think too much of it. I'm never politically involved in any aspect of it. Politics make things complicated.

The way I look at politics is--it just makes life complicated.

In the past few months have been the most boring moment of my life. Every Thailand-related website seems to be obsessed over their former PM. Boring. What do they think they will do about it?

We all need to learn to move on. However, in certain circumstances, people seem to struggle from one generation to another.

Ethic Grocery Store

(When I was thinking about something to post here earlier, I ended up posting my previous blog that I didn't mean to. So here is another one for today that I ACTUALLY mean to unload.)

I was very lucky that there are tons of ethnic grocery stores within 3 miles radius from my apartment here in Indy. If you do not know, Indianapolis is nothing close to say, Californaia, where minorities are taking over. Here in Indy, over 90% are white americans, probably 4-5% are blacks, less than 4 are hispanics, very very few Asians and others--not to narrow it down to Thais. From my understanding, I know all the Thais living here. I can count heads!!!

Anyhow. Back to ethnic stores in my 'hood. Yes, you heard me, my *hood.* We, hoodies, live in the area where it happens be so diverse. Indianapolis is like Bangkok in a way where downtown is not very crowded. The city is kind of spread out. When I first picked this apartment to be my home, it's solely based on the location--where it's easy to access I-465. I-465 is like a main highway running like a loop around the Indianapolis and its surrounding area. Basically when you live near 465, you are pretty much near everything. My apartment is 1 block away from 465, located right next to Target (there is no such thing as shopping too often as Target, let me tell you), minutes from local grocery stores, 15 minutes from work, and close to millions ethnic stores.

Back to ethnic stores, about two years ago, we finally have an actually Asian grocery store/ supermaket. It may sound silly to be excited about this, but again here in Indy, there ain't no such thing as an *actual* supermarket made for Asians. Here, I can actually use a cart to shop, get hair cut, eat at food court and yes....they have fresh department. That didn't happen until two years ago when two Korean brothers decided to spend their money and opened one. Thank to them, the way the store set up makes a Thai smiles. There is a huge section selling supplies from Thailand. I'm very psyhed.

As excited as I can be, I also feel for those small stores in the surrounding areas. I'm pretty sure these little store owners aren't as happy as I am to have a giant market opening nearby. Though I visit these smaller stores from time to time to pick up certain things the big guy doesn't carry, but chances are: unless they are out of stock, I won't go to a little guy. This attitude sucks I must say. It's like how local stores are dying away when Walmart hits the location.

The Trip (I'm obsessed)

Going to Thailand this time is pretty big for me. There have been several things coming to my mind driving me nuts. Belows are examples:

1) Diet--I've come to realize today that I will not be able to make it happens--a crashed course diet before the trip is just not happening to me. Not sure two weeks will do any good.
2) According to the number #2--going to Thailand with less than ok-body is just a test of a self-esteem trip. There will be some kinds of judgemental thinking within the family against me. Not kind of hateful comments, but bad enough to get me mad.
3) According to #1 and #2 combined--FYI, I love my body. I've been loving it for a while now and have made peace with the fact that there are little I can change about myself, so I might as well accept and love it. But putting myself through critism on a daily basis for 3 weeks, it's more than long enough to drive me wild.
4) Time--3 weeks can go by fast as a blink. Who says it's enough. The best/ just-about-right vacation to my home should last about 2 months. How am I going to cram things to do with little time I have.
5) The last day in BKK will be the worst ever--Hate saying goodbye to loved ones. Seeing their faces fading away is to worst it can be. Airport is definitely not a place to do that. I just hate it. This is a feeling that never changes.
6) Location--I really want to go to Chiang Mai. Going to Thailand without standing on Chiang Mai's soil is like eating plain noodles with no sauce. Knowing it's not gonna happen is horrible. Instead, I will end up in BKK, then Had Yai then Hua Hin for family visits. Not like I don't want to be there. It's just I wish I would have more time.

Believe me. I think about these craps every single day--not in order--as I count down to the travel date.

Repulsive side of living in America

These are examples of what I dislike most about living in the States (Try not to use the word 'hate' here, but to be exact, is there any word in between dislike and hate? If so, that's just what I need.)

* No one can say my name correctly*
See, I can keep my cool if they just accept the fact that they just *can’t.* Don’t even try to have me say it, then you say it, then you can’t, then you ask me again, and you still can’t, then you say forget it. This is so tedious. Imagine you meet strangers everyday (license branch, grocery stores, bank tellers, lists go on) and all of these people make you say your name when you already know how it’s gonna end. Very frustrating I’ve gotta tell you. Many time I find myself getting so pissed of with innocent people who are just curious (and more likely I won’t see them again.)

*Everybody seems to think my nickname is funny* (and apparently let me know how they feel too.) How hard it is for Americans to believe that ones can be born with a nickname NOT an a.k.a.

*Conversations with dumb people*
Dumb people: "Huh? Oh! you mean you're from Taiwan?"
Me: "Thailand NOT Taiwan."
Dumb people: "Taiwan...isn't Taiwan or Thailand the same thing"
Me: "Noooooo!!! Two seperate countries."
Dumb people: "Really? So Thailand is like a tribe close to Tibet."
Me: "Are you serious?"
Dumb people: "Isn't it?"
I swear this happens to me from time to time. Not often, but it's dead true.

*Belief: America is the best place to live. Why? Because it's America, baby!*
Believe me, they can go on about it. If you wanna change that mentality, be my guest.

Alton Brown

I'm not going to say a whole lot, but Alton Brown is just plain awesome! I know so many people out there have been saying this, and you know, I wasn't gonna say this at first, but I figure, why not--a little bit here and there shouldn't hurt, right?

But I mean, the guy has personalities. *Good Eats* is a really fun show to watch. The latest I'd just watched this evening is my recorded Popcorn episodes.

I didn't know I can pop the corn in a stainless steel bowl.

1 large stainless steel bowl

foil

Salt

3 tablespoons of peanut oil

Shake well over a stove top

Diet--a crash course

About to go to Thailand in 3 weeks--now I'm freaking out.

Going to Thailand = eating spree, comments, unfitted clothings, weight gains, bloating on the way back to the US.

I'm officially depressed. Being in the US, my weight is never/ really a social issue to me. I'm pretty average comparing with those Americans out there. I can find just about anything at anywhere I wish to wear with no problem! Here, going to Thailand with the really master plan to eat, I can see the future of a major fat ass waiting for me. I recall my last trip to Thailand a few years back, remembering what the worst time it was for me to shop for jeans at Siam Square, having a hard time finding my size. It appears to me that every single girl in Bangkok have turned midgets. If they were to be here, they'd probably end up at junior department, let alone size 00.

What am I gonna do? At this point, my life-long fruits and vegetables diet aren't gonne do. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

The Humble Thing

Work has been extremely hectic in the past few weeks, which has been driving me nuts. It basically corrupts me nice time at home almost every single day. Surprisingly, I've been humble all day today even when today is probably one of the most crazy-as-hell days in a long time.

I get to think, you know. Why stressing yourself to death when you can't really control or prevent every single little thing from happening? So here I am, have been very laid-back all day trying to do millions things all at the same time. It's been a while since the last time I found this peace.

Note: want to find a good movie to go to.......

Life

I watched CNN this morning (wow! I suddenly feel kind of savvy, up-to-date gal all of the sudden here) about a bridge in Minneapolis collapsed earlier on this morning, and felt this sudden urge pondering about how quickly lifes got taken away without ones even know it. My thought and prayer go to those 4-5 people who died during this tragic accident, go to all of the others injured, missing and their families. *Sign*

Then I think about life in general (deep thought on-going here.) How sudden ones go? I think about myself, at times, take life for granted--whining and complaining about something non-sense. I think about how ones just have no idea when they will die or worse, when their loved one will. You just have no clue.

The split moment I watched the news, I felt extremely small. May be I should just take life as it comes--step by step, living for today.

(Photo by Richard Sennott , Star Tribune)

Getting old

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm actually getting old. My back is aching, my feet needs rubs, my face looks tired. What the hell is going on?

In the past few weeks, from what it looks like, work has been hectic. Have anyone ever put the office phone on DND (Do Not Disturb)? I have been doing that in the past week. I hope this makes me look and feel younger to tempolary get rid of those who *want* to talk to you, at the same time, filter those whom you *do not want* to talk to. I find it pretty effective.

Last time I check, I work more peacefully, knowing my voicemail is working for me. Thank you technology.

Most wanted

Aside from of those fancy SLR camera built by Nikon, here is another sleek, stylish, beautiful from head to end digital point-and-shoot camera Nikon has come out with, and I want it. I've been using Nikon cameras for so long. Nikon's quality is beyond words. But the hassles of carrying a big camera bag with heavy-as-hell gears seem like a burden to me at times. Times like when you just want some lookable pictures out of a casual event, times like you just want to click and go, times like I just want to slip a camera out of my purse and not having to be afraid to drop it. Carrying big/heavy camera is another reason why I don't have many pictures when I should have.

Built-in camera on the cell phone won't make a cut here--as much as I only want some lookable pictures, I don't want shitty looking photos either.

Price is acceptable too. I think this one is about $200-ish. Shouldn't break the bank, eh.

Now I'm looking for a deal where they sale a package camera with all the gears.

My blog at The Nation

A few days ago, I started a new blog with The Nation newspaper. I've chose to do another one because it is the Nation--I had worked there, I like to generalize my ideas to different group of people and I want another blog that is a little less about me and a little more about Thailand. So the blog has been launched since 7/25. If you wonder, here is the link if you aren't sick of me already: http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/pondering

If you know me, there are a few classic topics I am not fond of discussing--politics and religions. Though, I like discussing about controversial society issues like prostitutions, crime and abortion. I like to know what people think about it. So far, my latest post on bar girls and prostitution have been pretty interesting. Some people like to kid themselves.

Funeral must-have

This might sound a little weird for many people, but I think everybody needs to make a list of what they want their funeral to be done when they are gone (and don't get to case their votes on what they really want for their memorial day.) One of my good friends back in college initiated this conversation one day and she did, she did make her request list for her own funeral. It makes sense to me, so here, I'm making a rough draft in case I forget later.
1) I want my funeral to be brief and short. No need to elaborate and make attendants bored. 3 hours for Thai funeral should be more than enough.
2) Most funeral in Thailand are held in the temple. I'm cool with that. I want to stick with dinner thing, but does not have to be at the temple. My parents can do their things for me their, but dinner should be at home. Make it comfy.
3) I don't want the flowers (paung-reed.) I always think they are creepy. Funerals don't need to be all doom and creepy you know. What about stuffed animals for mine? I like donkeys.
4) Let's stick with the classic for dress code--black and white. I like these two colors anyway.
5) Leave your kids home please.
6) Okay, for dinner, let's have: hor-mok, tom-yam-kung, chicken and basil, tod man pla and steamed rice. I also would like to add some appetizers--let's get some of those fresh spring rolls from Hadyai. My mom's family knows which restaurant I'm talking about. For Desserts, I want ga-lor-gee and bua-loy. Oh yes, these are all my favorites.
7) Use my childhood pictures for funeral. I think I'm cuter when I was young.

Well, that will be all for now. I will add more later.

FYI: I'm not planning to die or anything, but like I've said, it's something you can't really plan out so better be safe than sorry.

And another blog I've signed up for

Just signed up for another blog with the ol' Nation.

So I'm thinking: if I have to categorize myself what kind of category my blog is supposed to fall into....it should be.....what. You know, the whole process of signing up for the Nation weblog and all, they ask me to fill in the "category." (talking to self: am I a traveler? into politics? probably not. what the hell is citizen affairs anyway? em...it sounds pretty cool.) So after all these thinkings, I ended up with, like y'all expect, GENERAL. What a boring title one can find? It's like I don't see myself anywhere, but here....all-in-one/ I-don't-know-where-the-hell-I-should-be kind of space. General a.k.a. undecided.

I'm very disappointed in myself. Sign.

Sorry guys, my blog today sounds pretty confusing. Once the Nation has reviewed my registration and verify my existence, I will let you know more about another blog of mine.

Good Sauce

Ingredients for a great sauce:

Fresh gingers (whole)
Fresh garlics (peeled)
Plum wine
Oyster sauce
Kikoman say sauce
Sugar

Blend whole gingers and peeled garlic cloves in blender then mix with the rest of ingredients. Good for all stir fries, fried rice and noodles.

I'm so tired today.

It seems like once I stepped into the office today, everybody wants me here and there, and no, this never is a good thing--ever. So I looked over my desk earlier on before leaving work this evening, if someone would mess up my paperworks--moving them here and there, tomorrow, I'd be so pissed. It can be very frustrating you know. Yep, I sound just like the rest of the world. I hate people move stuff I lay on my desk...not even a post-it. And oh, I've learned today that there is this botton on my desk phone that when I push it, it means no disturb. Calls go straight to voicemail. Emmm

It is so funny how certain livings in this world disgust me most, but don't seem to do that to others.

I've never really fond to flowers. Growing up, most of my gal friends were crazy over getting bouquets of flowers on Valentine's Day. When they get sicked, visitors are expected to bring flowers. Guests at the graduation day are expected to bring more flowers. Homeowners enjoy gardening, decorating their homes with, again, flowers. Flowers are everywhere, even food. Back in Thailand, there are Thai flower salads. How could you?

I don't dislike most flowers. I think they are okay--some are eveb pleasant to look at. But I'm not expecting anybody to give me flowers. Call me pathetic. I think it's a waste of money. These flowers die (in days!!!) and then what? Your love and caring are just gonna die too? if you hand me flowers for Valentine's Day. Anyway, flowers are alright. Some of them, like Lily, are actually pretty (again, if I get it at no cost.) But some flowers are just gross--say, sunflowers and venus flytraps. These guys are just disgusting. Now you may be wondering, I have got a few good reasons for not liking venus flytrap. This thing moves like a machine. This thing grows by killing another life. They look like bunch of giant green beans, yet kill. They know when to execute, when to release and when to tighten the poor victim up. They aren't even pretty. In short, they are gross. But here sunflowers. Lots and lots of people love sunflowers. Though I don't completely disagree. Sunflowers against bright blue sky---emm...look pretty good. Sunflowers in a long distance, look pretty nice. But sunflowers in a close up version? They are too tall, plus they do that little head nodding up and down when we folks aren't aware. They are just creepy.

Weather is perfect today in Indy. It has been around late 70s, bright, sunny sky with some clouds. I can't get enough of it.

Anyway, I ended up discussing personal forbidden topics. Issues that I haven't really and never want to really talk about...ever---politic, religion, races and world/ culture/ belief conflicts with a co-worker. I used to love talking about it. You know that kind of laying my thoughts (and others) on the table and sharing (well, debating to be exact) what I think, what they think, how I view things, how they view things and why. Conversations get better among good friends who can "listen" and "share" with "respects" and an "open-mind-ness." I've found these topics constructive among those who "can" handle the disagreements. It can be pretty educated and deep. Though, in the past few years, I've seen "destructive" sides of having this kind of conversations among those who aren't qualified (see highlights above) to be a part of these topic of discussion and it always ends up...well...nowhere really.

Well, I've just pondered. Conversation with a co-worker today has been on a good side. I'm just thinking what this would have been like if I talked to a wrong person. Just a thought.

Here are what I've been anticipating they will happen someday:

1) The day when tattoos are socially exceptable worldwide. I'm talking about no trash talk about tattoo lovers and their stereotype. Why is it so hard to believe that having a tattoo (or it can be plural) is not just a fashion? Any thought maybe people just love it?
2) Women photojournalists become a majority.
3) Voluptious ladies are beauties in Thailand.
4) No more whinning whether who's right, who's wrong in abortion, homosexualities, races and religions (also whether marijuana should be legalized or not comparing with alcohol.)
5) Minimum speed on the highway (and for those who can't keep up with it, there are this word called "local roads."
6) Men to be able to except women who speak up without having these control issues.
7) I say, get rid of all those judgements. Just because you disagree with it, doesn't mean it's wrong.
8) Also, seniors are as important as children. Just because they are old, this doesn't justify the fact that they are more important. I'm so sick of hearing, oh! kids are so precious and on and on. Seniors can be "the brain" if you know what I mean.
9) Allow drinking at 16--just because they are banned from bars, doesn't mean they follow the rules anyway. Probably safer to have them drink openly so that adults can watch and warn.
10) Make recycles free. Now city charges people for recycling (think how much you pay for the recycling trash.) Some say, don't even worry about that damn cycling if you are gonna charge people to throw their craps away to help the environment. Make it free....people will recycle everywhere.

I love summer. There are tons of reasons to love this lovely, sweaty seasons from bright blue sky to summery dresses, from sandals to outdoor cook-out smelling those charcoal grills. Yet, another reason to love summer is Cherries.

Yes, yes, yes, I'm talking about Cherries--rainier cherries, bing cherries and whatever cherries available in June, July and August. Love them, eat them everyday, many times a day. Comparing with other kind of fruits, cherries are quite pricy fruits. Here in Indianapolis, cherries are pretty much available almost all year round, but peak during this time of the year. During unpeak times, markets sell cherries, regular cherries, for about 6 bucks a pound. Rainier cherries are more expensive (they're also sweeter and juicier overall.) Personally I op for Bing cherries. Comparing with Rainier, Bings are less sweet with a hint of sour. Bings are deap red in color just like blood and satuated with tons of vitamin benefits and fibers. Anyhow, during this peak time, Bings are available for 2 bucks or so per pound. Today, I've bought them for $1.79 per pound, which is dirt cheap for cherries. Another reason to love this fruit, they are surprisingly fulfilling as far as those who love sweets. They actually help easing that 'urge' for ice cream (FYI: no fruits ever done this to me before. Top the ice cream? Seems almost impossible.) Love cherries since living in Thailand. My parents bought them from Australia if I get this right and I remember how much I loved them then. Cherries are rare in Thailand and I don't think we can grow them. They are mostly imported and sold very expensively.

See now, besides all of those reasons out there, what not to love about summer?

Oh yes, I have been talking to lots and lots of people about my upcoming trip to Thailand. Even if there's still a month and days before the date, but hey, I'm excited already.

Three weeks, they don't seem to be long enough to catch up with what I've been missing in the past three years. Too many people to talk to, too many things to do with too little time. When you live overseas, it makes you feel so little at times, especially when you hear something like, "Oh! Yui is getting married!," then " but hey, when does she have a boyfriend anyway?" I especially sounded a little out of date, especially last night when talking to one of my best friends in Thailand. So many changes have happened when I am gone.

There are times when I doubt if missing all those stuff are worth it. My sister emailed me my Pa's birthday party a few days ago. Heck, he looks a little older than last time I saw him. I though feel much like I've been missing all of these precious time I should've spent with family. This year must have been the first that so many family members have been sick, and that the guilt is out there for me to grab making me feel that I should have been there. Some times putting my voice via phone across the world doesn't seem to help at all.

Well....when did I turn my Thailand trip excitement into a big sad guilt trip?

Time

Time flies....

It's been ages since the last time I blogged. My only real reason of blogging is to keep an online diary since typing (in English where there aren't so many letters) seems to be almost too convenient nowday for myself...I mean, the online diary. Another indirect reason is here written (well, typed) online to share with friends who I haven't written to or bad in keeping in touch with to get to keep up with my thoughts and me (so that there won't be too many things they miss out when I get to talk to them next time, hopefully.) I don't mean to be so self involved, for your record.

But see, keeping an online diary is so far from writing a diary...an actually papers and pens diary. My thought is out there, no secrets whatsoever. There is no where-should-I-keep-my-diary kind of thoughts. There is no value as far as oh-gosh-if-so-and-so-read-this type of feelings. Online diary is pretty shallow (admitted by me who is writing this online by the way.) Personally, it's more like a self proclaim non-fiction/ fiction. You know there will be someone out there reading your craps. Oh! what if so and so reads this and that......oh........maybe I shouldn't have written this and that. Before I know it, I go back and re write my craps.

Nothing wrong with this online thing. Heck, who am I to say. I just wish that some time soon, I will be keeping my journal--the old way.

Self Relaxation Techniques

Spoke with a friend today about classic self relaxation techniques such as taking a deep breath--I don't think it works!

The thing is, I recognize my problem as far as anger control. I even think I have been going on for years without a diagnosis of bipolar disorder or maybe I just simply need to find a practical yet effective anger management class. Ok, back to self relaxation technique like taking a deep breath. A friend said that it helps you psychologically by concentrating on inhaling and exhaling--keep doing so repeatedly until you are eventually........relax *sign.* In addition to that she said, after breathing in and out, you will need to acknowledge your anger, frustration, agitation and whatever and however you are feeling, then tell yourself to stop thinking about that, moving on and developing positive thoughts. And that's supposed to help. She said it actually helps.

Earlier on today, some idiots at work took me off big time. Man, am I mad? Yes. I tried the above recommendations, but it lasted about 2 sets of in/exhales then BOOM, I got corrupted by bad thoughts. I didn't happen. I think I went off on someone (FYI: and don't really feel bad about it.) So far, taking deep breaths don't really help me as much, but going off on someone helps. Yelling is great and cursing is also a plus. Jeez, you know, after yelling for about 2 minutes, man...I actually did fell so damn great!

Me and Me

Lately, I've been feeling like most people who know me around here don't really know the whole me. And those who I believe, know as of knowing me back home, they don't really know the whole me. Confusing, isn't it.

Friends in Indy, of course, know me as of me in Indy version. I'm from Thailand and know me as of me living in the States. Me who gets grocery done at Meijer (occasionally Marsh,) washes my car semi-annually, goes to work on weekdays and at times on weekends, and me as of an Asian girl.

Now, friends in Bangkok, as well, know me as of me in BKK version. Me who used to live in Chiang Mai, grew up in Bangkok and have parents living in Bangkok as well. They basically know, as of really know me in between 5 years of age through about 20 years old. Now, anything in between 20 through 30.....not so sure.

So I get to sit down and think today, besides my parents, who out there really know me since day one through, well, right now. It sucks though when I really think about it. It's not like I really really care, but hell, it'd be nice if you know what I mean. Recently, I get to speak with one of a very very good childhood friends from elementary school whom I had not seen since....well, anytime over 15 years. It was a big surprise--a good surprise. Lots of things to catch up because her, as I last seen over 15 years ago, I didn't even remember what she looks like anymore (for a present look.) When she emails me the picture I then realize, damn! I am really missing something. Body count continues. Who else should I get in touch with????

Life outside Indianapolis

I like today.

First of all, I've talked to one of my childhood best friends I had not spoken/ seen for over 15 years. It happens that her sister works at the same place as a family friend who happens to know my sister. So here, she has my email address. I emailed her back. She called me just minutes ago. I am thrilled. I am very excited. The funny thing is: she studies at Ann Arbor, Michigan, which basically only four hours away from me.

Second cool story of today is: I finally bought the plane ticket to Thailand in August. My date of leaving, visiting home and catching up seems to be real now. This is great. I didn't realize how excited I was until the minute I submitted my credit card numbers. I am over the roof. I am all about it. I'm going to Thailand in a couple of months!!!

Childhood Memory

I think about Doraemon today. Strange, isn't it.

When I was little, I read so much of Japanese cartoon books (just like any other Thai kids back then I guess.) I don't remember when I first started flipping through these cartoons, but back then, I remember, it costed only 8-10 baht a piece. Back home, I have a pretty impressive collections of cartoon book and so many of them are very classic like Doraemon. They are so old and dusty though and that it has always forbidden for everyone, again everyone including my parents, to throw them away...ever!!! Doraemon is a very easy cartoon to read, comparing with those girl cartoons out there. I've spoken to a lot of people who don't read cartoons such as my sister, simply because they have no clue where to start and which box they should read next. Doraemon is a clean cartoon..very easy to read and to go about it. Cartoons bring back a lot of childhood memories. I still have a friend back home who still fonds with cartoon and I'm sure if I live in Thailand, my collection will be larger. I just miss it if you know what I mean.

Yahoo Answers

This is very strange. Have you ever heard of Yahoo Answers?

I was intially introduced to Yahoo Answers back in September last year after my ear surgery (and you can imagine how much time I had to just sit around and do nothing.) I was so bored. You can only watch movies so much and read so much then you will eventually get bored, again!!

If you never heard of Yahoo Answers-it is one of millions thing for those who have no friends, but plenty of time to kill to play with. Aww I'm just partially kidding. You can sign up for it, make up a personalized avatar like the one of mine on your right hand on this screen or you can just download your own picture in there or just simply leave it blank, duh.

There, you get to answers tons of questions people around the world have asked. You get a score or so when you answer and win big scores when your answer is picked as best. The best part is I can get to ask. I love this part. I love it, addicted to it. I'm sure we all have lots of things to ask and I can just do so here online without getting embarrassed (questions like...what's pedicure?) I'm sure I get an honest answer or more everytime I ask something because those people who answer, they don't know me either. I need it once in a while--an honest feedback.

It is so weird to explain this addiction to anybody, especially when there is no touchable rewards from earning points.