Obsession Continues.......

Here comes my tattoo obsession. I remember having one several years ago. After I finally got my first tatto, the obsession was fading. It was so satisfying to finally get something I had been obsessing over for a long time. It's like an accomplishment.

I never regret having that first tattoo done. I love everything about it.

The same obsession has returned. I will let my obsession getting bigger and bigger and eventually sinking in. I know what I want, just not sure where to have them.

Until then, I will continue to be obsessive....

Weird People or Are they just people who are different

I use the term *weird* very loosely. This is weird. This dish tastes weird. The building has weird shape. This person is weird.

"Weird people" They make me think.....what is weird? What are weird people and what did they do to be titled *weird*.

Weirdness varies. I think. Maybe being weird is just doing things differently than majority of people. Maybe this is weird if most people prefer wearing flip-flops in the summer and you are wearing winter boots. Maybe it is weird if most people like their steak medium and you get it well-done. Being different. Does that make you weird just because you don't go by the flow? Does that make you a weirdo if you think paler skin is more attractive than tanned? Does that make you strange if you hate Mexican food when the rest of America loving it? What is weird?

Are you being weird? or you are just different than others?

Unexplainable Weird Things

As I've mentioned in a few blogs ago, weird things seem to pop up here and there in my life. It's just simply odd.

This past week, there was another thing happening to me. As much as I want it so badly to share this experience, I'm afraid it'd be way too graphic to explain. I just wanna throw it out there. Let me make up my mind first. Once I think it through how to put them in words, I will start sharing.

Thrill of the Chase

There is really SOMETHING *thrilling* about stuff that is hard to obtain--the harder, the better...the more challenging in a good way.

I don't think I need that in my life at this time. It's just not too healthy for me. What I really need is something that is easier to get and that I need to learn to appreciate what I have in general. I think I need to learn how to really kick back and relax and have the see-what-happens mentality. My mother's always thought me to be patient and to believe that if something is mine, it will always be mine without even trying. If something doesn't mean to be mine, I can try as hard as I can, but it's still not mine. I believe that. I want to be able to adapt that to my lifestyle. I think that is good for me.

Reality is, my ass is always doing the exact opposite. WTF. Anything that is there for me, I tell myself it can wait. I pretty much take it for granted. Anything that is not though, man, I pursue that aggressively. How do I change that? It can be tiring.

OCD

I self diagnosed myself last night and am almost sure I have some kind of obsessive compulsive disorders. I guess I've always had certain characteristics for that, but never really put too much thoughts into it until last night.

Man....I had had a blast just thinking about it! Well..no I didn't. I don't. I wont have a blast.

Obsessive thoughts are the worst I think. Struggling to control my actions as a consequence from my thoughts is horrible. There is something called *temptation* that is waiting by the door.

Thoughts.......temptation......self control? then....outcomes.
Thoughts.......temptation......no self control...then.....bad things.

A Least Expected Thing

I've actually seen this happens here and there. You know when you are really expecting something or trying very hard to search for an answer, you don't seem to accomplish or not soon enough. When you don't expect it, not even thinking about it, or have already moved on, things have been answered unexpectedly.

There is this one particular person I have long forgotten. Today, randomly, he shows up. I'm not saying this is a good or a bad thing, but it happens out of the blue. I'm thrill to see him again, but at the same time, it brings back certain feelings, which is not always a good thing.

Have you ever thought what's the point of all these? Life is just getting more interesting everyday.

Is this fate? or is it just life in general?

Weird Week

These past two weeks have been weird.....very weird.

Weird # 1 There was a fire at my apartment on August 7th. This drunk dude on the third floor decided to set his t-shirt on fire. As a result, everybody had to evaculate. Two rooms on the second floors were ruined. I got lucky, my apartment is almost untouched. But see, since there are some leaking on the third floor, my landlord put five industrial fans in my cribs. Very annoying.

Weird # 2 People. I have met a few weird/ confused people in the past two weeks. Normally this doesn't happen to me a whole lot, but for some odd reasons, I guess I hit the jackpot in the past two weeks.

Weird # 3 As much as I think motorcycle is dangerous, I got on one today. It reminds me so much of what adrenerine is and how much fun it can be to just go fast regardless. I wore the helmet tight so that if something ever happened, all my brain will be in the same place, LOL.

Weird # 4 I used to hate texting. *used to* I used to think texting is such as weird hobby and wondered why people don't just call each other. Now I'm a texting junkie. I even got an unlimited texing on my phone over the weekend....very weird.

There are a few other weird stuff going on. I wonder what's up with my life?!

Beautiful Ad

I think this print ad is beautiful. I also think the designs on the Grey Goose bottles are stunning and very inviting. The vodka itself probably doesn't cost much, but we all consumers pay for these eye candies.

A Tired Saturday

I will feel like craps for the rest of the day--I already know from the feeling I had when I first got up this morning.

Went to Lulu's--a northside lounge--last night; being up until 4 in the morning. Three hours later, I dragged myself out to go to work. What a miserable life I have.....working on Saturday once again. Speaking of last night, I dressed down big BIG time for the spot. I literally wear a granny skirt (for comfy purposes) with a shirt and a flip-flop. When I got there, I knew I was unforgivably off. Definitely not a place to dress down because people may think you are picnicing. All I needed last night was a wooden basket filled with muffin, then I would have been completed as a picnic lady.

I will have a get together with a friend from work tonight. Not too sure how I will make it. Maybe a nap or so later on will do.

Risks

I don't usually take risks. From my experiences, risks come with prices--some are good, some are bad. Whenever I take a risk, it usually ends badly.

Recently, there have been a few changes in my life. Job has been modified. I will be moving into a new apartment. My brother is coming to the US so soon. I have been thinking about returning to Thailand for good. Most importantly, one of the very few most important persons in my life will no longer fits well in this category. For whatever reason, years ago I have taken this risk and now it does not end up where I thought it would be.

At the same time, there is a new event occurred in my life--very randomly. I've never considered myself a risk taker, but now I wonder if I should.

There is a difference between *want* and *need*....a big difference.

Do I take this shot?

or do I just simply avoid the price that comes with risks by walking away now?

True Love

I believe most of us are blind and are more selfish when we are in love. When we are loving somebody, we want all of them. We want another person to be who we want them to be, we want them to act certain ways and ultimately, to love us as much as we love them. We are upset and disappointed when things don't go certain ways. Many times, we rely on another person way too much and having expectations that are not approachable.



Is it really practical?



I took a philosophy class when I was back in college. The professor talked about love. What is love? and what about unconditional love?



He says, true love must be unconditional. Love with no expectations. Love with feeling that we don't need anything in return. The true love is a feeling that we should be happy; simply just because the one you love is happy. True love does not expect ownership. True love is giving, regardless. True love is forgiving. We don't need to have another person to be ours to love them.

10 Thoughts of Life by Me # 1

1) Treat people with respect and they will give you the same.
2) What goes around, comes around. It's just a matter of time.
3) When you treat people like shit, they will probably do the same to you.
4) Nobody can dictate how you are going to run your life, if you don't want them around, just tell them.
5) Family should be the most important thing in your life because at the end of the day, nobody really gives a shit about you except your own family.
6) Don't take loved ones for granted, they will eventually give up on you.
7) People who bitch, nag and complain at you are those who actually care.
8) If you care about someone, don't lose their trust. Once the trust is broken, it takes a long time to earn it back and you don't even know whether you will be able to earn it back EVER.
9) White lies are at times essential. It's just if you need to use one, make sure it is for a good cause.
10) You can make mistakes and many of them. You just need to be able to suck it up and learn from your mistakes.

How to Photograph a New Puppy

English Mastiff

Gold Retrievers

Labrador Retrievers

Remove film from box and load camera.

Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

Choose a suitable background for photo. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

Put magazines back on coffee table.

Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

Clean up mess. Fix a drink. Sit back in chair with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

Thailand Trip

Once again, I'm planning a trip back to visit Thailand. Last year when I went there, I was planning to at least visit Thailand at least twice a year, so that I don't miss too much of actions. I've been really missing home lately, so it's about time.

The thing is; I ultimately really want to go home for good--to find a job, live and spend time with my family as much as possible. This is one area that I'm sure any foreigner (I consider myself a full-blooded Thai) living overseas will definitely agree with me, the worst side of living overseas alone is having the rest of family back home wherever you home country is (though this applies to those who are close to family and have good life back home.) Many tell me I need to just suck it up if I've decided to live outside my mother's land.

Anyhow, once again, another trip back to Thailand has been largely planned. I'm thinking about late August and will be there for at least a month. I start to think that after this trip, whatever happens, it will make more sense to leave the US during one of those cold months since I hate it so much, instead of leaving during one of the nicest.

Meats

I come across a clip taped at a slaughter house (mainly for cows) this evening. It's very disturbing.

Watching this kind of video gets me every single time. I start feeling bad and very inhumane for eating things with a face. It's very crual.

I guess over the years, I have eaten less and less dark meats. The reason isn't really because what I've pondered above, but for some reasons, I haven't felt like eating a lot of them. I think I prefer chicken and fish. And then I'm thinking, maybe I should really try to cut down. I usually don't eat any meat or dairy products two days a week. I guess I should consider increasing the days.

I really don't think we need to eat any meat, really. Human's teeth aren't really made for animal meat really. I've heard some research on this in the past--human are not meat eaters. So, Why do we eat meat?

Happy New Year 2008/ 2551---Year of Rat

Another New Year. January reminds me of my birthday. This year I'm once again getting older. I will be 31 in 29 days.

The day opens up with windy snowey all day long. Temperature must have been staying below 20 all day and as I'm writing this, it drops to 18 degrees, but feels like 5 according to weather channel. This time of the year, I wonder, what I'm doing in such a bitterly cold weather like this.

I hope this new year will bring lots of excitements and good stuff. My resolutions are carried on from my last years--lose weights and exercise more (It is such a comfort knowing many out there share the same resolutions as mine. Gym will be a crowded place in the next few weeks. Weight loss after the holidays I guess.)

Forgive and Forget

Just a thought, a personal ponder, an opinion.

I get irritated a lot, then I forget. When I tell somebody I forget something, I really mean what I say. Whatever it is; doesn't bother or matter to me anymore. Somebody isn't like that and it's cool. We all have different approaches.

But I find it very annoying.

There are times when people offend me, piss me off; making me wanting to bite their head off. I do let them know though that I don't appreciate it. But soon, I find a reason or so to forgive them. I don't hold grudges against them. I don't use that very reason to attack them or even mention it to cause irrational problems. But if they ask me if I have forgotten, I'd tell them straight up I haven't and there is no due date on when I will. I may forget next week, next month or next year. But chances are: I just simply do not forget--never. I'm usually not like this unless there are certain circumstances I find very unexceptable.Throughout my lifetime, I can count 2. I keep it as a lesson I guess. Personally I don't think it is a good quality in me. Well, it isn't good for me mentally because this kinds of thing can add up if you know what I mean. If I can find a reason to let it go from my never-forgetting mind, I think I should. It allows more space in my brain to absorb many other positive things. What I dislike most is that Many people say they have forgiven and actually have forgetten, but when you look deep down into their eyes, they really haven't--at all. This kind of thing shows if you know what I mean.

I wonder what other people think about this matter when they honestly look at themselves and how they handle certain things that bother them most. Do they just forgive and forget it, or they forgive, but not forget or the other way around? I wonder if they ever hold grudges against somebody? Do they let that person know? I'm just wondering.

I told ya. It's just another boring blog from me (which I've been doing a lot lately) lol.

Forgive and Forget

Just a thought, a personal ponder, an opinion.

I get irritated a lot, then I forget. When I tell somebody I forget something, I really mean what I say. Whatever it is; doesn't bother or matter to me anymore. Somebody isn't like that and it's cool. We all have different approaches.

But I find it very annoying.

There are times when people offend me, piss me off; making me wanting to bite their head off. I do let them know though that I don't appreciate it. But soon, I find a reason or so to forgive them. I don't hold grudges against them. I don't use that very reason to attack them or even mention it to cause irrational problems. But if they ask me if I have forgotten, I'd tell them straight up I haven't and there is no due date on when I will. I may forget next week, next month or next year. But chances are: I just simply do not forget--never. I'm usually not like this unless there are certain circumstances I find very unexceptable.Throughout my lifetime, I can count 2. I keep it as a lesson I guess. Personally I don't think it is a good quality in me. Well, it isn't good for me mentally because this kinds of thing can add up if you know what I mean. If I can find a reason to let it go from my never-forgetting mind, I think I should. It allows more space in my brain to absorb many other positive things. What I dislike most is that Many people say they have forgiven and actually have forgetten, but when you look deep down into their eyes, they really haven't--at all. This kind of thing shows if you know what I mean.

I wonder what other people think about this matter when they honestly look at themselves and how they handle certain things that bother them most. Do they just forgive and forget it, or they forgive, but not forget or the other way around? I wonder if they ever hold grudges against somebody? Do they let that person know? I'm just wondering.

I told ya. It's just another boring blog from me (which I've been doing a lot lately) lol.

Just a Blog?

I know.....I've been gone from my very own/ truely blog for a while. What a shame leaving my own established blog for others...*sign*

You know, a few months back, I've been invited by a former supervisor at the Nation to join the weblog. Skeptical I felt at first, I joined it anyway. I must admit. The past few months have been fun trading some ideas with such diversed populations from all over the world. I've been pretty active and regular at the site I think.

But today...I'm no longer sure. I see people come and go, and some cannot even handle conflicts and differences between them and others. I see some people over-analyze things, over think, over-opinionate on different topics. It can be annoying I'm telling you--seeing people acting like a child--yeah...weird, but true. It annoys the heck out of me... I know it's hard to explain and not sounding rediculous. After all it's just a blog.

Then I realize...it really is just a blog. Maybe it's time for me to take a little vacation from the Nation weblog for a second.

Mixed Feelings

I will be going to Thailand in two days, and weirdly, I've got some mixed feelings. It's so odd.

Of course, I'm excited to be back home again to see family and friends I've not seen for a long time. I wonder if they will look a little older, be a little thinner or a little chubbier. I'm curious to talk to them in person catching up what they have been up to in the past three years and what I've been missing all along. For the most part, I'm thrilled.

But I still have these weird feelings. One of them is an anxiety wondering if they will look at me a little differently. Three years can be a short time, but can also be a long time. I believe people change a little as they age. However I know I'm still the same person with a slight of maturity. I realize there are certain things I used to believe then, but no longer believe now. I am aware of what I thought was right then, but no longer right at this time. The sky may have been blue then, but at the moment, I see it with a hint of yellow. Heck. The way I look at things maybe a little different, but heck, I hope, I'm still the same person. I hope people back home see them along with me.

Many things have been happening to me, unfortunately, I can only share so much. Not being able to see family on a daily basis and trying to catch up within 3 weeks, I don't know how it's going to turn out.

I think this is one of those things I fear most. That's why I'm so anxious. But this still does not count zillions things I want to do there within limited amount of time with friends. I'm afraid time won't allow me to see every one of them.