The Eve

(Photo Courtesy: Robert Scheer/ The Star)
This year must have been the most chill New Year of all time. I stay home like an old maid, eat a lot, and watch more football. How exciting!!! Anyway, the Colts win over Dolphins tonight--all good to me.

I have been thinking about New Year Resolutions. As much as I hate to have one or two or three (since there is a big chance my resolutions will more likely go down drain a few days after the New Year,) I feel that I am obligated to join the club. So I've listed some. They are the same....like any other year people...same old craps.

1) Exercise 3-4 times a week (yeah yeah yeah) Do you guys know I've joined the gym and used about 10% of the money spent.
2) Eat less fast food. I'm talking about limiting to once every two weeks. (yeah yeah yeah)
3) Eat less fried food. I'm talking about limiting to once every week only. (yeah yeah yeah)

Only three for now. If I can only make one of them lasts for more than 1 week, I'd already be so proud of myself already!!!

The First Love-Part One

Rewinding almost 13 years ago, it must have been love.

As cheesy as it sounds, it was love at first sight while riding the train to Chiang Mai as a freshie. The gracious look of the guy had changed on whole perspective of going to Chiang Mai and would be there for another 4 years. My heart was pumping and it had never been like that before. I knew I wanted to find out more of who he was--that skinny long-hair guy with ripped jeans (well FYI: back then, I was so into that long hair/hippie/ artistic/ music kinda guy, which well considered cool-as-hell. Again, back then.)

So I didn't know his name and basically knew nothing about the guy. All I knew was I wanted to get to know him somehow. As far as I was concern, he was marching back and forth in my bogie for a while, so chances were, he would have to be in my faculty, which put my chance into a great spot for a starter. The thing was that, my faculty--faculty of humanity--consisted of countless of departments like French, mass comm, philosophy, psychology and the list goes on. So we were talking about fishing here my friends. How was I supposed to get to know the guy by the way. I didn't talk to him at all nor knowing his name or even nickname. I was praying for the best--a great fluke. I got off the train and went on with my little orientation.

During out initial pledge (I don't even know what it's called, but you know those seniors/freshies torturing craps after school?) CMU had a heavy one for freshies. Lots of exercises, walking, running, sweating and all those torturing stuff, but hell, I was tough. I had this can-do attitude, so whatever the seniors wanted me to do and did it with no excuse (this will be included in another blog. I want to blog about this hot guy now.) Anyway, during that time, I started seeing more of him. The guy seemed to be around a lot during our activities stuff and one night, he introduced himself to us, freshies, as a sophomore in my department. Bingo! it felt just like I had won a lottery. He was in my department and only a year older. Man, how can I be so lucky. The thing was that after a few months long of stuff I had been through, there was this one night............................sorry, will blog more.

Weird Winter (shhhh...got my fingers crossed)

I've gotta admit: this year happens to be one of the weird winter ever since I got to the US--Indianapolis hasn't got our very first snow just yet people...not yet.

I hope it stays this way. This Saturday, we expected our December temp going up to 50s to celebrate our incoming New Year. I'm very happy. Remember last year during this time of the year, it was freezing cold. This year is a little different. Well, we actually enter our colder front a little sooner than usual. Last month, our temp dropped to teens to mid 20s for a while and I expected some snow a little earlier this year, but heck, none has visited us yet. I pray to God to let it stay this way until, well, spring comes. As much as I dislike colder temp, I think I can live with it as long as there is no snow involved. Ever since I came to the country, I've become a weather channel freak. Weatherman in the US are damn well acurate and that I can trust my tropical life with them. Yep, I'm in good hands.

Winter in 2004 and early 2005 was the brutalest in my being in the country. I remember freezing my ass off in the apartment hoping electricity would be back up soon. We had snow/ rain storm and that the temp wasn't low enough to produce heavy snow, yet it wasn't warm enough to melt the existing snow. So what happened was that when it rained, it immediately turned into icy version of it. Think when you are melting a freezer in Thailand, it looks like that. So all those freezing rain got stuck in between those electrical wire around the city causing the whole thing to stop producing electricity. Meaning the whole city lost their power. Meaning millions of millions of wires were broken. Meaning the whole city went on weeks without power. People started migrating to other towns nearby to stay in the hotel. With the temp in teens and no heat, people were forced to leave town. Some stayed at home. I remember driving out of town trying to find a hotel, I couldn't find one room available. I mean,,,none. Living back in Muncie then, I had to drive all the way to Indy, which is almost 50 miles away to get a room. It's depressing. City of Muncie had to ask for helping hands from IPL from Illinois, Ohio and Kentucky to help fixing the wires. It took them days to make it happen. The day when I heard my area should have been fixed, Dan and I drove back to Muncie, back to the apartment hoping to be warm again in my very own place. At 3pm, no sign of heat coming in soon. No power, meaning no TV no entertainment. Even McDonald's was closed! I never felt so desperate like that before. I was too cold to go out, too bored to sit and did nothing. So decided to bundle up and lay around. Waking up around 8pm, seeing light from the neighbor. I turned the kitchen light on. Feeling like heaven. It was so beautiful. I started seeing those IPL fellas in the different light. You guys are like heros.

Huh...why am I talking about this?

The Restaurant Lesson

1) To never ever let the kitchen supplies like foods to run out and try to purchase them in the last minute--ever! You have to do the inventory everyday or every other day to make sure the kitchen is fully stocked.
2) To never ever take the money out of the cash register for some stupid reasons such as buying a pair of shoes. Those cash must go towards the restaurant first before generating to other personal areas.
3) To never ever give out free alcoholic drinks for some stupid reasons such as trying to show off you are cool. This will leave you will low to no profit at all at the end of the day. Liquors helps generating higher profits, but at the same time, they can push you to the other end.
4) To never ever rely on only words of mouth. Something we call media must be used.
5) To never ever be a lazy ass, especially if you are the one who runs the business. Not enough money, go work!!! Not enough money, cut back on luxurious employee cost and do it yourself.
6) To never ever let your customers sitting around waiting for their meals for a very long time, especially during lunch time. This is crucial. Most people have only 1 hour lunch break. If they have to wait for no longer than 20 minutes, they most likely will not return.

Mor Chor

(Photo Courtesy of Dekmor.com)

So yeah...I have lots of...I mean bunches of photos of Chiang Mai and CMU, but since last time I went back to Thailand, I took them all back there and now I am left with nothing.

When I think about it, there are a whole bunch of reasons out there why I'm so fond of this college. Aside from all academic craps, there are those memories, friends and puppy loves (yes, it's plural my friends lol) behind CMU fence. These factors have shaped me to who I have become. Until now, still cannot imagine who I would have turned to be without all those memories and experiences I haven't exactly left behind this northern college. It is too bad that I don't have some of those pictures handy so that they can be shared. One of those memories I have is about my life's biggest crush ever. Well, my first love, to be exact. Because of this guy, I know what love is and all those years to get me over him. Man, I wish I have the picture. Everytime I think about it..er..him, it never fails to give me a major heartache. It's been almost a decade now, but hell, I still remember every bit of it. To make it sound even cheesier, that's why we call it first love--something you will remember forever. (At this point I realize if I will write about this guy, it will take up several blogs to complete the whole senario so I will skip it this time.) The guy played a major part of my college life. He happened to be my college brother (so here, I don't know what I'm supposed to call that พี่รหัส in English with my minimal vocab knowledge.)

CMU has a lot to offer. I didn't realize that back in 1995 or..1996 when I first found out the result of that born-hell entrance examination. I wasn't very excited. I was so damn disappointed and nervous to live outside BKK. Back then, my knowledge of Chiang Mai was very minimal. I was thinking there was nothing there except a few cows, and I mean, literally. Waiting around with all other BKK freshies at Hualumpong Train Station definitely made me feel even worse. We are talking about the third-class/no AC/ no fancy services in the 90s of Thailands\'s train with tons of strangers here. The girl that sat in front of me in the train kept on crying the whole time missing her boyfriend (now remember this girl, there are more into it.) The girl who sat right by me practically did the same thing, crying her ass off due to homesick. By the time I realize it, the surrounding atmosphere was so damn depressing. I didn't see any bright and shine at all during this trip to the upcountry. I could have already told that my life experience would have gone down hill from there. Back then, nobody used mobile phone just yet, so here there were--pagers. Imagine you were traveling somewhere (and you know you would hate it already) and there was this beep beep thing going off every single 5 minutes from someone's boyfriend. Now you definitely hated it. While immersing myself with this whole depressing girl, those upperclass men started walking around our aisle, announcing upcoming activities. I suspected we wouldn't be able to get any sleep at all (well even though you probably couldn't sleep anyway due to extreme dehydration and depression.) Right there, just about time, there was this guy--long hair, nicely-framed glassed with ripped jeans and t-shirt walking by me smiling. I have never found someone so fascinating in my life! (remember? I was 16 then) I felt it was the love at first sight. I felt my purpose of going to Chiang Mai has at all changed. My feeling was upbeated. I started loving my trip. With all the exhaustion and all, We finally..................................................(will blog more later..sorry)

Quick Recap

Friday: December 22, 2006
It is funny how a little restaurant with a little kitchen with four people couldn't keep up with food flow when they weren't even that busy. This is something I call 'management failure.' I came into the restaurant as a guest, but someone has asked if I wanted to work. Well, hell no. I just sat back and relax. It ain't my business after all. (I'd have helped, but the way I looked at it was that they could have speed up, but people in there were so lazy. They moved too slow. As a result, they couldn't get craps done. Meaning, they couldn't keep up with the speed. Meaning, they were screwed, and I wasn't about to clean up those mess, sorry.)

Sam and John fought again tonight about some stupid craps. I told Sam that he'd be better off without his little brother. When someone doesn't have a heart unto doing something, it will never work. If people feel obligated to do something for you, it'd be better not having them do it at all.
Saturday: December 23, 2006
I hurried back home to pack up some stuff. I was 3 hours late from our little x-mas getaway. It seemed that everybody around me felt pretty festive this evening. Everybody but me.
Sunday: December 24, 2006
Had little x-mas get together this evening with Dan's family. Dan's mom must have been one of the most easy going person in the world. We ate, went to church, ate again and then did our x-mas gift stuff. This year has marked my first with x-mas stocking bought by Dan's mom with a letter P on it.
Today: Merry X-Mas
On the way back to Indy from South Bend, I finally managed to grab a bite at this Chinese place (well...didn't expect it to be open today at all..yippieeeeeee) Ar.....finally some Asian foods are back in my tummy again after going on a few days without it.

The Consequences

After being a yesterday brave girl, today I have faced its consequences of trying to be open. It is awkward as hell.

The person I talked to: they (see? no gender here.....I wanna keep it anonymous lol) probably think they are playing the field in my very own home game. They can feel me and see what I have been through, what I have been thinking or even feeling. It was so straight because I know I am one of the best never-show-real-feelings person and that I am proud of it. So when I let it all out yesterday, they feel they can read me entirely. Well, not exactly right people. I have another 2% to share and that it will be out there by the new year. It's my pre New Year resolution. Anyway, I am very proud of my decision to speak whatsoever.

One time in the past, I let my words and my questions go. There was this guy (gosh! this is such an old-school story!) I had so many questions to ask him. There were so many stuff I wanted to let him know, but I never did. I let my chances slip away because of fear. It was overwhalming you know those feelings. By the time I realized, the chances were gone. I never allowed myself to say what I had gotta say and once the opportunity said goodbye, I missed the boat. I still regret until today. So I've learned. You live once. You put yourself out there doing whatever you gotta do. Life is simple. You make a decision and you don't look back. Gosh! love this phrase.

It Feels Great!!!

It feels so great to be able to be as honest as possible to people. I've done just that today after two-week long of thinking, thinking and thinking. Oh man, am I so ready.

You know those feelings when you look into someone's eyes and you know in your heart you have a lot to say besides how are you doing? You have been afraid of so many things to happen, say, rejection, disappointment, embarrassment. So you hold it inside of you--those simple honest truth that is true to your feelings. It makes that hard to breath, swollow, or simply smile when you have too much information going on in your head. I have been thinking about it every time I see this person. I was about to let my though go several times, but my guts fail me. I slept it through from one night to another then I knew I couldn't do this any longer. This stuff beated the crap out of me. So I woke up fresh and new this morning with a life mission: I was going to talk in a mature manner, expressing my feelings with no fear like there is no tomorrow.

I called the person I needed to confront right away when I walked out of bed. I told them I would be stopping by to have a conversation at so and so. I gave them a time range: "I will need 30 minutes out of your life and that will be all." Deal was on. I hung up the phone.

After the talk, I've never felt so alive. Yet, the outcome isn't what I wish it would be. They aren't that happy, but I am. I feel so relieve. I feel so free. During the talk, once the first word was out, the rest flew. I did all the walk and talk. I questioned and answered. I told them all I needed was just they to listen. This was what I had to say and I would pretend that this was my last day in the world. I made my speech and left them hanging. I am happy now. I say goodbye to the I-will-keep-this-shit-in-my-head-til-the-day-I-die phrase. I am a free man. Being able to express yourself is one thing, but being able to know I won't have any regret in the future for shutting up is priceless. Recommend this lesson to everybody! Do it once. You will get addicted.

My Problem

I've been so frustrated today, knowing I really have a problem.

I remembe someone once said to me that I have a problem maintaining a subtle lifestyle. When something goes really well for a certain period of time, I start to freak and look for something challenging. Frankly, I am always looking for troubles. When something is right there for me..spoon-fed kinda thing, I tend to skip it and look at it as a boring-I-can-get-it-whenever-I-want sort of mentality. When 'that thing' starts to move and seems out of reach, that's when I feel the 'desire' to obtain it. What's wrong with me?

It's like there is a piece of candy laying on the table in front of me (which isn't my favorite flavour,) I will not really care about it. But once someone start reaching for that candy, I at the same time, start feeling like "no! that's mine. It's laid in front of me and I don't want to give it away." All of the sudden, I want that candy even though I know in my heart, I will not eat it once it belongs to me. Yeah...what's wrong with me?

This mentality has bugged me throughout the day and beated the crap out my my head. Do I have a problem?

The Phone Call(s)

Inspired by Melissa (hey! I've gotta give you credit for this!)

I've been missing for a few days due to lack of sleep, too many activities and too many rediculous phone calls made by me and yes, I hope you know why.

I'm trying to avoid talking about this topic you know since I'm not very proud of it. With too many beers, I'm usualy chill. With too many vodka and whatever the hell I end up mixing it with, I'm usually hyper, dramatic and yes, turning out to be a psycho freak dialing to people I have something smart to say--which usually sounds great and awesome at the moment. I usually feel like a rocket scientist when finish leaving messages to those individuals. Mission accomplished at after 3 in the morning.

I haven't done that for so long ever since I left college. At the time in college, my friends and I did that a lot and it was pretty cute back then since everybody we called usually were students and most likely, they were still pretty much awake at those weird hours. These drunken calls were topics of redicule the day after and that was all. But since I am no longer in college, I find these calls pretty much a shame to my family--something maybe I shouldn't do it at all. But hey! this Saturday night, it's back baby! Starting off at a restaurant, my first drink (well and only drinks) was a perfect screwdriver (vodka and OJ and whatever flavour the bartender was putting in the glass.) Vodka never in the history makes me sick, so I was all happy..drinking and well drinking. Fast forward to a few hours later, I knew I had made some phone calls and to make a long story short, that was the only thing I pretty much remember.

This morning, I headed to Muncie for my sister's graduation..half hung over. I have received several calls from supposingly those I called last night asking what the hell was wrong with me. So many apologies later, I couldn't come up with any excuse to make. Only...I'm sorry I was wasted. That has been my reason so far. Well, that was the only one anyway, lol.

HOLY CRAP!!!!! Farewell to PETER BOYLE

GOODBYE..........

PETER BOYLE

i will be missing you. who is gonna be Frank now since you are gone?

Now, this is gonna be weird. I heard from Ryan today that Peter Boyle has died at the age of 71 on yesterday evening at New York Presbyterian Hospital. He had been suffering from multiple myeloma and heart desease. Boyle played a big role in several movies, but the one I have known is from is 'Everybody Loves Raymond" where he played the curmudgeonly father in this long-running sitcom show. 'Frank,' I've known him by. He is famous for saying 'holy crap' and his laid back and hilarious personalities in the show that leaded me to grow to love him.

My problem is: no one can ever replace Frank--the most funny, perky, silly on the TV show. Sleep well Boyle.

(12/18/35 - 12/12/06)

Timing

Appreciation goes to you
but the timing isn't right
This could have been a more adventurous journey
but the timing ain't quite precise

Sympathy goes to you
but the timing isn't alright
This should have been more meaning
but the timing will cost me twice

Deep beautiful feeling goes to you
but the timing isn't worth the prize
This could have taken a whole lot out of me
but the timing is a little too tight

Sincere apology goes to you
But the timing doesn't allow me to compromise
This would have been much more than just a temporary
But the timing only allows me to fantasize

FYI: very random from browsing online lol

Travel by Train

Previous post, I've decided to put together my stories during those times I spent in Chiang Mai just for the fun memory of it. I hope that I someday will be able to put all this stuff together as an edited book or my personal diary about life there in general. Back in Thailand, all these stuff have already been documented by me in a diary, but they are so random--more kind of a thought. I hope that this time, I can generate ideas much better. Back then, most of stuff I wrote about had a lot to do with puppy love and all.

I paste this picture on the right hand in this blog because there, at Chiang Mai train station, was the first place in Chiang Mai I set my feet on. Just like any other train station, not much to talk about. But before I jump into other things, traveling to Chiang Mai by trained is considered (to me) as the best way to get to Chiang Mai--ever! See, the thing is that traveling north in Thailand is something that you must experience at least once. If you choose wisely, most scheduled trains will leave BKK in the late evening and that will reach Chiang Mai around 8-9 in the morning--allowing you times to sleep and enjoy what you can see over the window. I usually catch this AC train--the one you can actually lay down and sleep--at 8pm. At times if I travel alone, I will bring my pocket book, read some, then head to bed. By the time I get up around 6:30 or 7, I will sit up and enjoy all the mountains and stuff like that. Then boom! Chiang Mai. It's never been a boring trip to me--never ever. I don't mind spend several hours for a trip up north because for the price I paid, I got what I want and the money is well spent.

Northern part of Thailand is very rich in cultures and natural resources. When traveling by train, you can slowly feel that vibe (and I'm not kidding!) You can slowly see the changes in scenary, scent and basically what you see when the train is approaching its destination. People nowadays are so spoiled by wanting everything to be quick, but forget to appreciate little things that even though not so convenient, but offers a lot more than one can expect.

Hating' the Immatures

I hate those immature people.

You know, those who doesn't age well--mentally. Those who are over 25 and act/ think like they are 12. I just hate them. Most people I know will recommend me to get over it. 'Immature will always be immature if they aren't willing to change.' That's right. Some say, 'Oh! don't sweat over small stuff. If they wanna be immature, let them be. Who cares!" That's right too. But heck! it bugs the shit out of me. That I probably need to get over myself.

Today, I've faced an immature bastard who couldn't handle rejections. The dude wanted to hear only stuff he wanted to hear, so when I said something he didn't expect to hear, he got all immature about it. What does it mean when I say he was acting all immature?

Mature people would have: Talk it out. Have a civil conversation. Express self nicely.
Immature dude: Decide to give me a silence treatment. Refuse to discuss how he feels.

See, the thing is that, him and I have been through this before over and over. I'm all about giving people second chance and stuff, but when the same craps have happened after several talks, I start getting sick of it. This time I have changed. I won't go above and beyond trying to explain myself anymore. Why? Why do people have to be so childish?

A Big Piece of Me--Intro

I miss Chiang Mai and CMU tonight--a lot, so I've decided to write series of blogs about Chiang Mai to help me cope with a big piece of my life.

Also, I found this bird-eye-view pic of Chiang Mai University campus somewhere online and think it's so cool. I actually can see every single buildings, fields, pond, markets, dorms and every part of the campus where I had spent good four years. I miss it.

My parents know better how much I'm attached to this northern part of Thailand. Right after graduation, I've never felt that sad in my life. I didn't wanna leave so I basically stayed around for another 6 months, trying to get a job, but unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky. That was about 8 years ago. During my time in Bangkok, I travelled back to Chiang Mai so many times each year, just to get in touch with myself. Even now, I don't miss my hometown of BKK at all. My next visit to Thailand will as well be my next to this city. So many cool stories there that need to be documented. Damn! I should have done this a long time ago. There will be more of Chiang Mai and CMU.

In 1994 when I found out I got admitted to CMU, I thought that was one of my worst nightmares. Turn out, it..........................................................................................................................

Indianapolis

What not to like about Indianapolis?

Some native Indy have asked me this question before--over and over. They believe it is a great city to live, a great place to raise kids, a great place to build your savings, well, a great place all around.

Aside from a cold/ brutal winter (which I'm not gonna complain about it anymore...well for a while,) yes, Indy is a reasonable city to enjoy life since it's averagely considered a low-cost-of-living city. When friends and family in Thailand ask me about Indy, my first reaction is usually, "oh! cheap town to live." and it usually ends as that. Nope, it's not like I don't have anything to say further, but I believe any other decent size of towns in the US is probably the same--lots of restaurants, bars, colleges and so on. Speaking of this stuff, Indianapolis traffic is similar to Bangkok. There is a so-called 'downtown' but the actually town is really spreading out. There isn't really one place to hang--they are pretty much everywhere. Unlike Chicago, they are all stuff in its downtown area, but here, things are all over the place. We have this cool 465 highway that basically goes around the outside loop of the whole city and that you can take your exit close to the destination. Since I'm not a big of Hwy person (hate the fact that if something happens, I will get stuck there with no gas station or nothing.) 465 isn't that important to me.

I still live a pretty good life here with everything I need (well except some rare Thai stuff.) So people still wondering, "what's not to like about Indianapolis?" It's none (again, aside from crappy winter.) I love Indy. I feel safe here. But I still keep saying this phrase everyday during winter time, "What am I doing here? I've gotta move somewhere warm!"

Life is Beautiful

I'm talking about a movie.

I have thought about this movie all day today for no obvious reason. I just happen to think about it and how great it is. I remember watching it for the first time in 1998 or 1999--not really sure here, and it captures the whole me right away. Since then, ain't no movie has beated this one yet. It is a heart-warming, encouraging, life changing, attitude adjusting kind of movie. It teaches you a whole lot about life in general.

In 1939, Guido, an Italian Jew, falls in love with Dora, who isn't Jewish. He woos her away from the Fascist official she has been dating, and they get married. Their son Giosue grows up among growing anti-Semitism. As the war progresses, Guido and Giosue are arrested and taken to a concentration camp. Dora goes too, determined not to separate the family. In the midst of the horrors of the camp, Guido protects his son by pretending that survival in the concentration camp is an elaborate game with which Giosue must play along or be sent home.

Won over 8 renowned awards around the world plus tons of nominations. The main charactor, Director and Screen Writer are all the same person--Roberto Benigni. Must see.

One Fine Cognac

This bottle of "Chambord" is what makes my newly found favorite Flirtini tastes so damn good.

Tonight, I got a chance to taste this real deal straight up without any mixture and that's when I realize this shit is great both by itself and with mixed drinks. There is no added chemicals or preservative. They do a good job with fresh ingredients like black rasberries, vanilla, honey and other herbs. The bottle looks extravaganza like you can see it on the left, the taste is so damn smooth and yes, it is considered a well drink, which is one of the most expensive liquors available. It's worth it.

I'm not a big fan of straight up shots, but I have to give it to Chambord. It tastes that good that I can see myself owning one. Now I talk like an alcoholic.

Uncomfortable Situation

I have heard people say that business is business. Once you are in a business, it should strictly stay that way.

I believe it is true.

But it isn't easy when I actually have to do it you know. This guy owns a restaurant I work, part-time. He is a very nice guy and is basically a good friend to everybody including me. I look up at him and always think of him as a brother, so do everybody. The thing is that in the past few months, business hasn't been doing really good. There hasn't been a whole lot of ups, but multiple downs. A few weeks back, I started catching up with a few things and realize how bad restaurant financial is. I'm talking about the guy can't even afford to pay his employees.

What make me mad is that: as much as of a nice guy he is, what he has been doing isn't very nice. He writes bad checks and not even bothers to let anyone know. He can't afford to pay his chef, his waitresses, his prep and even his rent. End up, nobody has got paid yet in the past month and everybody is frustrating. When this matter has been brought up to him, the guy gets real personal and upset. He doesn't get it. He feels that he is in a bad situation and nobody cares about him. I listen to him raving about his for a while, thinking, even though I feel bad for you, but it is your business and that your employees must get paid. Period. It's just the way it is. His restaurant isn't my resource of income, so it doesn't affect me, but it is the only income for the rest of his employees. They have to pay bills, don't they. Of course, he doesn't really get it.

I think his main problem is his lifestyle in general that cost so much money. The guy lives in high life and does things like a high roller. He has three cars, a house, an apartment and some craps that he doesn't even need it. How can you afford to maintain your business if all the money you make only go straight to support your luxury life. I just can't see it.

Now I am counting my checks. Got 5 total and worth about $1500. They are just pieces of worthless paper now, aren't they. lol

So Cold......Way Too Cold

It's been like super cold in Indy in the past few weeks, but today..probably has marked its coldest--18 degrees right now while I am writing this.

I hate cold weather. I've never liked it...never use to it...always do and will hate it. Well, some people say if you are cold, just stay inside, bundle up and turning on your heater. See, it's not always as simple as that. Unlike back in Thailand, when it's hot out, okay, you go inside an air conditioned room. Problem solved. Here, when I'm cold, I run inside, turn the heat up, well, that still doesn't solve all the problems I have with winter. See, even though I stay inside and it is pretty warm, I still feel that cold breeze. It doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel like an indoor summer. It's still pretty cold. Okay, now I turn up the heater pretty high, but dame, my feet is like freezing. I am still cold.

Now, look at how much the 'cold' does the demage (main stuff):
1) Winter leads to several problems. Obvious one is your heater bills. If you still use gas to generate heat, may God be with you. One of my friends own a one story house and ends up with $450/ month gas bill during winter. My apartment probably ends up with over $140/ month electric bill during winter months.
2) Winter leads to problems with driving. Cars won't start. You have to start your car at least 15 mins before you leave. Your car will slide. When you make a left turn, you may end up with right and vise versa. Some one behind you may hit you. You may hit a pole. You end up travel 30 mile per hour on a 60 mile/ hr speed limit highway. (okay..can't list enough of this shit.)
3) Too many layers one can handle. I'm talking about hat, scarves, gloves, socks, big shoes, pants, underpants, shirt, sweaters and coats. By the time you know it, it will take you an extra 15 minutes to walk out of the door and an extra 5 pounds on yourself.

Stupid

When will people start to realize that drinking/ driving are an extreme stupid combo?

No I'm not saying I haven't done that before, but that when I was so immature, young and stupid. As I get older, media and authorities start to stricten laws and increasing my knowledge about what's so bad about driving while being drunnk, so I stop--completely. If I have been drinking, I will make sure I don't drive. If I know I have to drive, but wanna drink anyway, I will give it at least an hour and a half to sober up before putting myself behind the wheel. Or I will drink light and give myself time to sober up anyway. Worst case, if I wanna get wasted, I will drink at home. But some people don't have that mentality, they just plain drunk and don't care. So many news out there about this stuff, so many examples why they shouldn't do it, but oh well...that doesn't stop people at all. Personally, I believe these reasons should be enough for you to act like a responsible adult:

Reasons not to drink and drive:
1) Will kill yourself
2) Will kill others.

If above isn't enough to convince your stupidities, below are some more:
1) Your dead body after match will definitely look like pieces of leftover meats at a slaughter house.
2) Your dead body will be seperated in pieces and that your arms and legs might not be found.
3) You will cause your mom and dad to cry once they realize how stupid you turn out to be.

Great New Found Drink!

FLIRTINI people. It's called "Flirtini."

I discovered this drink last weekend, accidentally, by stealing a zip (well actually, the whole glass) from a friend. As much as I only like plain drink (that the only purpose is to get you drunk, ) I have to surrender to this flavourful martini (FYI: Hate the concept of martini in general. I don't like being prissy drinker. As beautiful as martini glass looks, it is incapable to hold a lot of liquid in there.)

Cointreau 1 oz.

Champagne Top with

(Piper Heidsieck)

Vodka 3/4 oz.

Pineapple Juice 2 oz.

Cranberry Juice (optional)

Shake all ingredients except champagne in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a martini glass with two ice cubes (optional) Top up with champagne.

Good Side of Martini:

1) Taste like pure juice (since alcohol content isn't that high compared to other hardcore drinks)

2) Make you pretty (if you are slightly pretty then this will maximize that.)

3) Make you feel a little more sophisticated (since the glass and the color are all up high and usually martini costs more than a beer for an obvious reason.)

4) Creat talk between you and the bartender (only if he is hot!)

Bad Side of Martini:

1) Damn expensive (look at alcohol content you get out of those $8!)

2) Damn expensive (look at how many of those you have gotta drink to get drunk!)

3) Make you feel like a prissy little sorority girl (I consider this 'bad.')

4) Hard to find (probably can't get it at a sport bar!)

Damn Sinus!

After suffering from ear popping, pressure and discomfort for a total of 10 days now, I decided that I am in a case of emergency and need to call that nurse from hell.

Ten days ago, I woke up with moderate ear pressure. You know that same feeling of ear fullness just like when you sit in the airplane. In that case, you would chew up Mentos or something chewy to reduce the pressure. But in my case, I can chew the whole Mentos factory and it still doesn't do a damn thing. RN suggested me to use Nasel Spray and take decongentant daily, in case it is caused by my sinus and allergy. She definitely didn't wanna see me.

Today, 10 days later, I realize I can't stand this crap anymore. After talking to the hell nurse, I was recommended to go see a family doctor to check for ear infection. A few hours and two magazines later, I was told I have middle ear infection caused by sinus. According to the MD, virus in my sinus travels to my operated ear causing it to be infected. Great! "so am I gonna have this infection forever since I will be having sinus infection for the rest of my life?" I asked the doctor. I hate this damn sinus crap. It's ruined half of my life already!!! I can't be having this ear infection on and off just because your sinus virus decides to take a holiday trip to my ear!!!!!

So now, I'm stuck with some more antibiotic meds, decongestant meds, and 2 nasal sprays. Agian, back with lots of pills. Speaking of how much meds I've been taken, thank God, I was born in this century when all the miracle chems are made and created in a form of easy tablets--just to be chucked along with water.

Just for fun thoughts:
Case One: if I was born, say, millions years ago, I would have probably died since I was 9 years old due to allergy since no cave man knew what allergy was.
Case Two: Say, if I was born half million years ago, all my meds would have been replaced by some weird looking/ smells-like-crap herbs. I would have ended up dead by the age of 13 due to diarrhea along with severe depression.

Law of Attraction

Call me shallow. I believe physical attraction is important--not that important, but important if you know what I mean.

I have had several conversations with many friends in the past about this. It is an endless topic to talk about. Who said physical attraction isn't important? Some may say no, but bet they are in denial. Say, you meet someone for the first time, the very first thing you will see is what they look like. Are they light skin? Are their eyes blues? Are they chubby, skinny or average? Are they ugly, pretty or hot? These are what you will see at first....far before these questions: Are they nice? Do they have a good heart? Are they funny? Are they an asshole?

So first impression is everything. Before you get to know the person, their 'face' and 'figure' are what you are gonna see first. 'Personalities' and 'heart' will be the next stop, and will take a while to figure that out. In some cases, it may take you weeks or months to figure someone's personality. When someone asks me how to I feel about so and so, my answer is usually, "I don't know, give me another few weeks."

This is what I just start to admit when I am close to turn 30.

Expenses in Business

Lessons from the restaurant today:

1) Every little expenses can add up if you aren't careful. They will eventually all pile up. Before
you know it, your bank account can be very minimal.
2) Bookkeeping is the key--and you have to be consistant. Do not wait and wait and wait till you
are 3 months late.
3) You really want someone, at least one, you can trust to be in the restaurant at all time.
4) Cost control is everything. Food cost shouldn't exceed 30% of the revenue.

Sadly, the restaurant I work part-time will close down its full-service bar at the end of the year. As alcoholic as it sounds, I've always liked to have liqours and alcohols sold in the restaurant. I feel that this helps raising profits--owner gets to make more money, waitresses get more tips and whatsoever. Anyway, the owner has just sold his liquor license and yes, it makes me pretty disappointed to see it get away. The thing with a Thai restaurant is that: without a bar, the place just simply looks like any other plain Thai place with no ambience. With a bar, there is live music, there are always people hanging out--the plain Thai joint is just too boring, to me.

Addai scores 4 TDs in win over Eagles!

Yes! people, Rookie Joseph Addai tied a franchise record and the Indianapolis Colts scored their most points this season, handling the Philadelphia Eagles 45-21 tonight in front of 57,296 at the RCA Dome.

Pretty amazing feeling goes to Addai and efford from the team. Even if it isn't really a close game, but hey, who I am to complain. We win! That's all it matters right now. This is why I have been converted to a royal fan. The feelings are high and the game is fun to watch. This must be the best home game so far for this season. Now our record is 10-1. Too bad to lose to the Cowboys last week, but oh well.... Next week at the Titans at 1:00pm. (Photo Courtersy by Sam Riche, the Indianapolis Star)

Why Do People Eat These Craps?

Never once I considered myself picky when comes down to food. But that is an ancient story.

Today, I've made it an official day, Saturday November 25, 2006, I admit, well sort of, I am kinda picky of what I am about to indulge. I need to know exactly what it is made of, where it is coming from and what it is gonna taste like. I just need to do a history check. No I'm not talking about those damn ducks anymore. I'm talking about food in general.

So many people out there have been mentioned in the past that I am picky as hell. I won't eat this and that when most people eat them. I just don't. Most of them have to do with meat or something that is once alive, can cry or make noise. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy meat. But meat? My exceptable meats have to be fully cooked. I don't care how expensive that piece of fish at a Japanese restaurant is or how great it tastes raw, I don't care. I want them cooked or I won't eat it. Especially with beef, pork, chicken, they are required to be cooked. They can be steaks or whatever fancy dishes in a french restaurant, they all better be cooked or I will not touch them. Aside from that, all meats I eat have to be strictly the meat part only--no liver, kidney whatsoever. Those are just plain gross. I only eat beef, pork, chicken, fish and shrimp. Other animals beside those 5, it is forbidden to me. They are not necessary for my brain or my taste buds. I think my imagination is too high that I will have this pictures going on when I eat something strange. Last time when someone makes a comment on my pickiness was yesterday when I went to work at a Thai restaurant. We were standing in the kitchen to be exact. Conversation goes:

Other: "Hey! come here, have you ate yet?"
Me: "What a good timing! I'm so hungry. What have you got?" (excitingly)
Other: Didn't say nothing, but pointed towards the dish in front of him.
Me: "What the hell is that?"
-----------------------The dish looks like some kinds of Laos' bloody beef salad or something worse than that.
Me: "Er...I don't think I'm hungry anymore. Do you have anything else?"
Other: "Come on, what's wrong with this? It's good."
Me: "I don't wanna talk about it. Do you have something else?"
Other: "Yeah....eat this" (while handing me something grilled.)
Me: "What, grease balls?"
Other: "It's a grilled beef. You dip with fish sauce."
Me: "I know, but where is the beef part? All I can see is fat, fat and more fat."
Other: "It's good this way. You dip in fish sauce and eat with sticky rice. Why, don't you like fat"
Me: "Damn right! Who like fat, huh?"
Other: "Me and definitely the rest of the south east asia." (while looking at me strangely.)
Me: "You probably will die because of heart attack 5 minutes after you take a bite off this
grease ball. Good luck with that!"
Other: "God.....you are so picky. Why don't you get the hell out of here and make your own
food?"
Me: "I didn't mean to offend you."
Other: "Whatever"
Me: "Fine."

Quote of the Day

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"
by unknown (I basically got it from Kill Bill.)

When Turkey doesn't Taste like Turkey

So back from the road to Thanksgiving! Alive and 5 more pounds.

I will make it quick. I'm not a very big Thanksgiving foods fan, but since I would be eating free, didn't have to cook and wasn't obligated to wash dishes, I had no right to complain. During the line up, I was trying to contemplate what I was gonna eat (for those who don't really know, I am only fond with mashed potatoes.) The host insisted that I must eat their Turkey. They said I'd like it since there were two kinds--smoked and regular (what they didn't know was how much I dislike Turkey.) But since I didn't have much to say (and another option was ducks!!! Yuck!!!), I settled with a little piece of Turkey with LOTS of gravy on top of it to delete all the flavour from the big bird itself (what a shame!) Turned out, it was pretty successful. Turkey didn't taste like Turkey at all with all the sea of gravy, mixed with mashed potatoes and stuffing. Everyone was happy. I looked at a person right next to me, oh...there was this season rice going on. Damn! that looked good, so I made my next move. I scooped those rice, and ate them. All I could say was: this crap was one of the nasiest things I've ever had in my life. People around catched my reaction you know. Conversation went like this:

My tought: "What the fuck is this shit?" (with strong facial expression)
Other: "What's wrong?"
Me: " Er....nothing. But what is this?" (while trying to swallow those rice and pointed)
Other: "Rice Pilaf."
Me: " I know, but what kind of spices you put in it?"
Other: " Oh..just pepper and salt."
Me: "Are you sure? I'm sure I taste something else too."
Other: "What? What do you mean?"
Me: "I don't know..that's why I ask you. It definitely doesn't taste like salt and peper."
Me: "It has this smell and grease and....................."
Other: "Oh those rice were stuff in the duck. It's from the duck."
Me: "............................................"

That damn duck! Jesus, that's why. That's why it tasted so disgusting. I hate duck and I just ate something that came straight from inside the damn duck!!!!! Are you all crazy? Man! That explains. You know several years ago, I've sworn not to touch anything 'duck' again in my life. I don't care how good of a chef you are, I just don't wanna mess with it. But yesterday, I was tricked into it and yes, ducks, they never fail to make me wanna puke--not once. Before this time, the last time I had a piece of duck was when I went to a famous chinese restaurant in Bangkok and my mom insisted me to try their famous Paking Ducks (you know, those roast ducks that you basically eat only their crispy skin with some ....well...something. Lots of people love it, but not me.) I've never ran to the bathroom that fast in my life. As you can guess, I puked my ass off and from that moment on, I know how much I hate it. Until yesterday people, until yesterday. This duck-taste stuff kills Turkey. It makes Turkey taste like something from heaven. That bad, you guys. That bad.

Road to the Thanksgiving

So my sister decides not to join me over at Dan's house for Thanksgiving. Apparently, I will be traveling alone to this little event to me, but big for most people around.

We will be leaving this late afternoon and pretty much will be hanging out until the big meal tomorrow. The thing about Thanksgiving and turkey is that: I've never like Turkey. Well sort of. Several years back, I was ok with turkey--it tastes just like chicken with lots of white meats. Until one of my friends pointed it out, "yeah...it kinda taste like chicken, but not exactly." Then I started to sense the differences between the two. Turkey gives me the "vibe" of a stronger chicken-smell. I can't explain it. Just like ducks. I've never like duck--not once. In duck's case, no one has pointed it out. Everybody I know love ducks. Some say, "maybe you haven't had a good ducks yet." Oh believe me, I have given ducks so many trails. From the street stalls to home cooks, from high-ended restaurants to those who only specialize in making good ducks, nah....I still hate it. Ducks taste strange as well as turkey. So now my road to Thanksgiving, I heard that someone will make Turkey and ducks, damn me. I will have to start praying for the next available meat--ham...maybe.

If I will ever held my own Thanksgiving dinner, sorry folks, I will probably skip turkey. And that my Thanksgiving will be strange as hell.

Hurtin'

I am gonna whine today.

It is ok if you don't know your action is gonna hurt somebody, and end up hurting one. The problem is: what if you know whatever you are doing is gonna cause somebody in pain sooner or later, but you can't help--you go ahead and do whatever you want anyway solely because as much as you hate hurting people, you also wanna spoil yourself a little more. 'Follow your heart' somebody once said. Hell....I've always done just that and my heart never fails to fuck me over--if not me, somebody else's.

To prevent this to happen, I've always stayed clear to whoever I feel that I someday will hurt them to be aware of the 'situation.' I always tell them that even though my behavior/ action/ interaction don't seem to match what I've said, but please remember what I've said exactly because my words speak louder and clearer than my behavior. I will repeat my motto over and over to make sure they understand where I stand. However, my behavior must be ignored. Pretty weird, huh?

Most people misinterpret me. They feel that I am confused and don't know exactly what I want. I don't think so. Just because my behavior is blurry, doesn't mean I don't know what I am doing and what I am gonna do. I find myself, a lot of time, doing stuff in the totally opposite side of what I've said, but hey....like I've said, 'ignore my behavior.' You do whatever you wanna do, but remember one thing, I've done my part even though it sounds pretty selfish. Sorry. But maybe you don't know the whole me just yet.

Things I Thank for...

I've said negative things about life in general in many blogs ago. Since the Thanksgiving is approaching, I have made a list of things I'm thankful for:

1) A Great Family: I have one hell of a great family, start off from my parents, my grandparents (all passed away), my siblings, aunts and uncles. They are great people, love me and support me. I know when I look back, they are always there for me with no doubt.
2) Great Friends: I have a lot of friends and good friends, but very few great friends. When I say they are great, I mean same as family. I've met all of my great friends from grades school to high school, from college to post college. I value quality over quantity.
3) A Great Boyfriend: Dan is awesome! He is not only my BF, but also my best friend, and honestly if you asked me about him 6 years back, I wouldn't have said that, but turn out, he is one fine man. Every time I turn around, I know he's there and I just love that feelings.
4) A Great Ear: You know what I mean. This is not plural. I have only one good ear, which is the right (from the surgery.)
5) Food and Water: I've never struggled.
6) A Place to Live: I've never struggled.
7) A Faith: I believe a man/ a woman without faith is like one without a soul. I'm thankful for the faith I've always had, which keep my going.
9) Many Little Things in Life: People I have met along the way, lessons I learn daily, mistakes I've made, love I have given, love I have received, and friendship.
10) Advanced Medicines: This may sound a little funny, but without those technologies and allergy medication, I really can't imagine what would have happened to me right now.

Differences

A lot of people have a problem with being different. They have a problem when others are different, have a different point of view, acting different, or being different. They get pissed off, wondering why you are thinking differently. Why don't you feel this and that way. My answer to those has always been the same: because you are you and I am me, we are totally different persons. But if they still question my thoughts, I make a further effort, I explain more. I'd say: well I respect all you've said, but unfortunately, I don't feel the same way. Don't you just love it? These are all make the world interesting. If we were all the same, the world would be boring as hell! So let's talk about other things.

"Let's talk about other things" is my way to politelt say that: "okay! I explain myself enough. Either you need to shut up or we will talk about something else because I don't care anymore about what you think."

Lately, I've met this kind of I-only-believe-in-what-I-believe-and-other-who-think-differently-are-wrong people. I can't even explain how sick I am with these humans. So my take has changed. I only go: okay! we have different views...why don't we just talk about other things." The funny part is that, these people will not stop. It's like they are in this religious colt and want to get you converted. Even though you do not wish to continue, they will keep ranting about stupid stuff. It actually reminds me of myself when I was like 13 years old. I was like that too, but as I get older...a little more life lessons later, I've changed. Anyhow, I guess, some people will never change at all..no matter what. This is when different value comes in.

Quotes of the Day

"Life's a bitch. You have got to go out and kick ass." By Maya Angelou

"He who knows does not speak.
He who speaks does not know.
He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlighten." By Lao-Tzu, The Way of Lao-Tzu

One Night in Broad Ripple

9:00pm: Man...last night Dena's Sea Bass in Clam-Cream sauce was awesome!!! It's been while that I actually eat a great dish that I basically almost licked the whole plate up. I got to Bleecker Street around 9pm with Dena who co-owns the restaurant and bar with her ex-husband. New York style deco isn't bad at all actually. Mainly black wall, bricks based and lots of photos of NYC building totally take me away.

10:00pm: We saw Dena's ex sitting with his new little girlfriend. I was thinking...what an ass! Why would he bring his new GF to a place of business that basically his ex wife and sons work there. The girl is so young....literally younger than his youngest son. You see this picture. The solely reason the girl is with him is clear---money.

10:30pm: Dena's son walked in. You see this half Caucasian/ American, half Jordanian who is super cute.

11:00pm: We relocated to the Usual Suspect next door since the music at Bleecker Street was getting pretty loud. The next door bar reminded me of those upscale bar in Bangkok. Only that, the bartender is extremely cute. I told Dena, she definitely needed to recruit this Jake guy for her new restuarant.

12midnight-3am: We didn't wanna go anywhere anymore. Since Dena's knows the owner, all drinks were pretty much free. This was probably the first night in a very very long time, I actually drank wine. Even though the place wasn't that fun or anything, it was a great place to hang out since it wasn't very crowded and loud.

3:10am: Okay...I should have expected this coming. My car and Dena's were parked behind Bleecker Street. Before leaving Usual Suspect, Dena whispered me that she wanted to go inside Bleecker again to see her ex. I didn't even doubt....man..should have seen it coming. Once we walked inside, Dena went straight to the young girl who was with her ex. The conversation (if you wanna call it 'conversation' went like this:
Dena: (hugging the girl) Hey do you know who am I?
Girl: (giggle) No..I don't know who the hell you are. (for the record, she knows.)
Dena: You know....B**** You know you are younger than my youngest son? That is sick.

--------conversation went on while I was standing there....so uncomfortable. By the time I knew it, I was calling out for Dena's son (who is a bar manager there) that this may be time for him to stop 'the conversation.' Her ex though dragged Dena back into the kitchen asking what the hell she was doing. We left a little later, but sat in my car with light off staking the situation. Yes..seems that Dena's little mission was completed. The two were fighting and that they didn't know we were watching.

3:40am: I was driving back home, thinking...."gosh...divorce is something you really don't want in your life."

Things to do When being Yelled At

20. Ask "Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?"
19. Count down from 5, then hit them and run away.
18. Slap them on the head, then explain you were trying to kill the bee in their bonnet.
17. Continually interrupt with "...and this bothers you?"
16. Answer everything with "yes" until they become infuriated, then say "probably not" when they ask if you want your *** kicked.
15. Respond to every insult and accusation with a smile and say "and proud of it!", then inform them that their anger is a response to jealousy.
14. Shake your head sadly and moan "if only you'd used your temper for good instead of yelling at me."
13. Hold your wrist up and insist that they slap it. When they do, claim you've been justly punished and they have no right to continue persecuting you.
12. Look at them strangely, then after a while look surprised and go "oh, you're talking about me!"
11. Look at them, astonished, then exclaim "I want the drugs you're on!"
10. Hug them, explain that you feel enlightened, and thank them for putting you in your place.
09. "I really would love to stay and listen, but my goldfish must be getting hungry by now."
08. Interrupt them and ask "should I be jotting any of these points down, cos.' I've already forgotten everything so far."
07. Make sound of a phone ringing. Pick up an imaginary phone after a few rings. "Uh huh. yes, yes he is. uh, it's for you, it's someone who cares."
06. Look past them as though there's something there which is distracting you. When they turn around to see what it is, hit them on the head with an esky lid. Pretend it fell from a tree, even if there are no trees around.
05. "I hear what you're saying. I see your point of view. I understand exactly what you mean. I simply don't give a ****."
04. Wait for a pause, then inform them that there's a vein sticking out near their right temple.
03. If asked what you have to say for yourself, look them calmly in the eye and say tentatively "show me the money?"
02. Look around and say loudly, "would somebody get the kettle, please!"
01. Say "Yell all you want, I won't remember."

Note: They are so funny. Got this off a friend.

I hate that BIAAAACH

Let me just say how much I hate that dumb nurse working for my hot doctor!!!

The sad thing is I will have to remain in contact with her as long as I continue to go this same doctor. Sadly, he is hot and he is the one who operated my ear, so with these two combined, I will have to continue to see him, and yes, that nurse from hell.

When you have an operation, it's nothing like having a cold. There are tons of concerns, questions and follow-ups. Meaning, asides from the doc (who is always busy) I have to talk to the nurse whom I hate. Why do I hate her? Okay, here is the deal. Now...delete all the picture perfect of those kind and friendly and considerate ideal nurse you have in mind. This one is something different. So like I said, having a surgery isn't like having a cold. You will end up with lots of cares, questions and so on. Since I didn't go to med school or anything close to that, I definitely have lots of questions. I will ask. Why? Because it is my damn ear, and if I go deaf, yes, it is me who have to suffer later. Back to the nurse from hell, oh man, she hates answering questions. She is so jumpy and just has no patience like she's supposed to have. Lately, my ear acts all weird with pressure and stuff. I called and realized that I need certain medications. This girl is just too lazy to do all the work. She is not willing to work with my insurance to sort things out, simply because she 'feels' it will take her hours (reality check, this will take her like 5 minutes.) To make a long story short, I hung up the phone from her thinking, maybe it is the time for me to give up the hot doc, for a much better thing. People have told me I should discuss the matter with the doc, but hell, that hot dude doesn't know nothing. He probably is too busy to catch up with the latest news. I will not even bother to try.

Lesson Learned: Not all nurses are nice.

Fun Nights of Restauranteurs

Many restaurants and bar owners have told me to think about the concept of watching at other people having fun while you are working before jumping into the restaurant industry. They suggest me asking myself these two questions: Are you willing to work while other are out there having a good time? Or would you rather having a good time and not working?

If you fall into the second one, then stop your thought about being in restaurant business ASAP. That ain't happening. You will be working on weekends and holidays when your friends are off work. You will be working long hours when other are hanging out, relaxing. Yes, you will have those fun times too, but it will fall into 'slow' days..like Monday and Tuesday when nobody wanna hang out cuz they have gotta work. Basically, you will either hang with those who are in the same business or those who are unemployed.

So tonight was a party night for all of those restauranteurs I know. Many of my friends have asked me if I am really serious about being in this industry. My answer right now is yes, pretty much. I've never felt more alive and this happy for years. Maybe I have found another thing in life I enjoy aside from photography. Yah...I guess....for now. Soon I will be a part of this soon-will-open new/hip restaurant and bar in the northside and we will see what happen. I can see this is actually happening and getting more interesting.

Successful Night? Well...getting there

So after the DJ night has been running for a while, getting more people to come in and drink. I've decided to resign for a night without working. I took off my apron and started my night with a glass of Morgan's and Coke. Man...this stuff tastes really good. It's been a while since last time I really drank. I never like beers. They taste gross. I don't really like any cocktails...martini and all that, but rum and coke? Man...it's good. So that night, I was pretty FUCKED UP.

Anyway, when alcohol is in your system, chances are: you will end up doing something pretty...er....what's the word for it?.....interesting! Some turn to be extrovert. Some turn hyperactive. Some get all critical. As of me? I turn to be a retard--and I mean big time. (and I will leave it as that people. Never want to explain it in details.)

But here is my take. So I tried to be a responsible adult since apparently I had gotta drive home. I drank LOTS of water. Did it help? Kind of. But it wouldn't have helped much if you take a sip of water along with a chug of rum. Nah....I wouldn't say that would help. Some people say alcohol is bad. I don't think so as long as you drink responsibly (literally, and I'm not an example for that though.) Discover one good mixture: diet mountain dew, vodka, kool-aid. Shake them well. Drink over ice. This can be done for under $10 and for a party over 10. Cheap stuff.

Quote of the Day

"When you are right, you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative."

By MLK

Take It Easy

I realize today that I better start taking it easy--not moving too much, not lifting too much, and not trying to get myself tired too much. My ear will be killing me.

Did I mention I went back to the MD to for my ear surgery follow-up? The thing is that, apparently, the incition in my ear is still swollen. Meaning, there are still some pressures in there. Meaning, I will be right back to the surgery room if it's still gonna be swollen in the next two months. Meaning, if I don't take it easy, I will send myself right back into the same spot I was almost 2 months ago. Meaning, I will be depressed again! Definitely, not looking forward to that. MD gives me another option, once the 2 months period is up, I will go back to see him again. If it's not getting any better, I will be ordered to be on the bed rest. "BED REST" em...sounds very comfy and all, but do you know the concept of bed rest? Think a pregnant woman with a complication. An obgyn will make that gal to stay in bed only and that's all. In my case, I will be in bed for a week. Thinking about being in bed for a week and only get off bed to the bathroom and eat only. No it doesn't sound very inviting to me. So at this moment, I will need to change to avoid that. Bed rest is almost the last thing I want. But getting back to the surgery thing is definitely the last thing I want.

This is definitely hard for me to do less of my routine. Look, I am not the most hard-working/ the most active person in the world, but hell, this is definitely hard. Not sure what to do yet. emmmmmmmm

Still in Business

So I've finally (and successfully) got the guy to add "Chiang Mai curry noodle soup" (Kao-Soy)into his restaurant menu. I am so proud. The thing is that this Kao Soy dish is so great and one of a few favorite of mine while living in Chiang Mai (record: I am not a big fan of northern cuisine. how sad.) I told him that this dish is already good itself with the right ingredient BUT you will have to make it good though. "Good" is a very broad word, so I made him one.

Lots of people I know have asked me in the past few weeks if I still work in a restaurant. The answer is yes, I still do (along with my daytime work,) and bet I am getting good at it. I actually wait tables for the first time in my life last Saturday due to employee shortage. It wasn't bad. As you all know, waitresses make a living off tips. So my take here is that: waiting table is like a customer services/ sales job. If you are nice, but no nothing about what you are selling, that won't take you very far. Even though some customers feel that they are 'kinda' obligated to pay at least 15% tips, but hell, they can do better than that. I arrive at the restaurant at 6pm and work till 9:30pm, which is great--I wanna be there during their busiest hours anyway. There are 4 waitresses total and they normally do 'pool tips' when they put all their tips together and later on equally splitted. Since I was new, nobody wanna do so-called 'pool' tips out of the sudden. They expected me to suck so bad (which really, that was what I expected as well at the time.) So they agreed to own their own table and received tips only off their tables. Well that was fine to me. I also agreed to wait not-so-many table that night since I didnt really know what I was doing yet. I didnt wanna overwhelm myself...basically.

Turning out, I wait probably third less than other three that work there. But that gave me a BIG chance to care for customers I have. Since I have enough time to run around and socialize, I could serve them better. I got to spend quality time explaining/ suggesting/ asking those customer, which leaded to bigger tips. The funny thing is that: most of my customer wanted to open bottles if wine, which boosted the sale. They were so loyal and so easy to be convinced. I remember counting my tab later on and I am sure making so much money than those who waited so many more tables than me. I am not doing this for money at all, but after seeing how much I can pull during those three hours, hell, I am here for money,hahaha. Today, I stopped by the restaurant for food. I saw the same waitresses and they asked me if I'd work this weekend. I said maybe. Now they want the split tips. Do you remember what I've said earlier? Yah...these are the same people who DIDN'T wanna split tips with me. The same exact one.

Too Many, Too Little Time

In the past weeks, I've found myself wanting to do a whole lot of things with little time I have. For the first time in my life I wish it would have been nice if I had more than 24 hours a day. Meaning, I will still get to sleep about 8 hours, run errands, do bunch of craps I wanna do and still have some times left to catch up with some readings.

Since there is only 24-hour period, lately, I have slept less, play less and on top of that, still trying to jungle a million thing all at once. Good side: I am still pretty happy. Bad side: I only get to do a little at a time. I get to go a little of everything and at the end of the day, I often ponder, "heck! I have done a lot today, but none of them is completed!" The problem I see is that: it still keeps me going, preventing me from getting bored. I see that as a problem because then I feel that I haven't really done my best...why? because I have no time! Damn it!

My Bad

Seriously (not very literally..I just wanna start off my blog with a cool/ intense word lol,) if I have to name certain things I am bad about (I think everyone should do this kinda listing once in a while in order to better self, aside from what you are good about.)--the list will go on like this:

1) I am an EXTREMELY indecisive person, and I mean...very very indecisive. I find myself, several times, that I know what I want, but not exactly sure. It takes me a while to go on with 'pros' and 'cons' and almost always end up doing to 'cons' things.
2) I am a good liar (well yeah, I categorize this as a 'bad' thing.) Really, I am really good. I can have things planned out and make a movie of it. I've realized this quality of me since a few years back while ponder..."damn...I'm good." Sometimes I feel bad for it, but most of the time, I am okay with my lying decision. Gosh...this is bad.
3) I am a plan B person. Usually, my plan A is almost always better, but B sounds much better so I randomly skip the better A plan and go with B. More likely, it ends up as a dumb decision.
4) I mostly follow my heart not head. Now this can be a good thing, but hey...some times your head is just smarter. I often let my evil side of me take a hold of everything. I feel good, but never fails to kick my ass real hard later.
5) I over think..way tooooo much! I think this quality is a result from number 1, 2 and 3. Even picking up a bite from McDonald's. Before I make a trip, I have already thought about what kinda meal I want and what it will taste like. This shit will make me crazy someday.
6) I can be very judgemental. But I have a good side on this stuff. I never let my judgement out in public. I will think think and think (see number 5.)

Okay..this is all for now. I will continue later (since this can go on forever.) The more I make the list, the more it will come out and everybody will hate me for it. Need to stop before I start having this self-pity.

Life Dependency

Gosh...I am usually pretty good at blogging--if not everyday...it will be every other day. My computer crashed on Thursday afternoon purely because of my dumbass. So I was sitting on the couch, just like any other time I use a laptop (see the word "LAP" top? I literally use it as it's called.) I placed my LAPtop on my LAP...trying to jungle between a cup of coke and pen and paper and computer and.......so on. That minute, before I knew it, I spilled half of coke on my lap and laptop, another half (evenly) on the table, carpet, my sweatshirt , my sweat pants. Guess my first instinct? I paused for a very long time then said "fuck! fuck! fuck! I slowly walked to the kitchen to grab a towel. I started drying up all the spills on table, carpet and go change a whole new clothes...15 minutes later, I FINALLY realized that "damn! what about the computer?" Looking down at a soaking wet laptop, I did wipe the screen first. Looking at the keyboard....Jesus Christ! I some times can be a very slow thinker and a slow multi-tasker. Take this clean-the-other-craps-first-before-cleaning-the-most-expensive-material-as-we-call-it-a-laptop as an example. What was I thinking? Shouldn't I have worried about the laptop first before the carpet? Apparently, that didn't come to my mind at the time. Damn me.

Now I start to worry about my life during emergency time. I guess once some craps happen, I probably end up doing some stupid thing. No priority involved. What was I thinking?

This laptop is pretty much dead right now, but works from time to time depending on its moods. Today, my laptop is in a great mood so it works. Tomorrow, you just never know.

PS: for those of y'all who have given me emails to hear about my self-control crisis. Okay...Let me sleep through it tonight and will email y'all tomorrow.

HOT HOT HOT

What I am going to say will sound so lame, but I will say it. Today is marked my very first day in a long time that someone actually tells me right up front that I am hot. hahaha (ok friends...just laugh ok? I know I know.) And you know what I said, "really? are you sure?" Okay...I know what you are thinking. What kinda retarded response one can give, really? are you sure?

I'm not a kinda girl someone would normally categorize as a hot material. Cute maybe. So today has been my best day for this average looking female. But hell....why did I come back with a below-average-IQ person's response? This will haunt me forever. Oh and the guy goes: "seriously, you are really pretty." Okay now my self-esteem is higher than ever. I think I will enter myself into a model search tomorrow.

Note: same goes to when someone says to you: I love you, and you go: "oh! thank you." What the hell?

When I am being Confused...

Have you ever been in a situation where you have no idea of what the hell you are doing? I have. I have been...recently..very very confusing and it confuses the hell out of me.

I am too embarrass to admit what, but all I can say that my sense of judgement is all messed up, my self control is out of place, what I know is wrong--I go ahead and do it anyway because it feels great at the moment.

Should we all do what we think feel great even though it is not exactly right? Or should we hold back, sit down, and try to have a little self disciplin?

Confuse?

Yesterday, one of my friends complained about not being able to do what he wants to do due to obligations in life. He feels that he is a 30-something-year-old with no stability in life, comparing with those in the same age. He has no money, no job he loves and no one to settle with. Basically, the guy is damn depressed. He said he envies me that I seem to get it all together.

Oh c'mon, I don't get it all together. I still feel that I don't even know what I'm doing. If I look back several years ago, I don't think at this point, I've achieved what I have planned to do anyway. But I told him, I am still ok with where I am though. If I start comparing my life with someone else , I'd never be happy. To me, each and every person has their own way of running their life--some may wanna be rich, some may wanna travel and on and on. Mine is to sit and see what tomorrow has to offer, and that I'm ok with it. I think everyone entitles to choose what they wanna do, but from my observation, people complain too much of unfulfilling life, but choose not to take actions. Some people care too much about tomorrow, but don't really live their life for today. Frankly, you just don't know when you are gonna die and that, it can be tomorrow. Jeez, I'd regret my ass off if I only lived for the day after and happened to die on that day. So since I've turned 25 years ago, I start living strictly for 'today' and see where life takes me.

QUOTE: "You can't make a diamond. You have to go and find them."

New Quote of the Day

"Don't leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will eventually leave you for the one they love."

I know I know. It sounds pretty cheesy and that I hate cheesy stuff, but hey this works well with not only for relationships, friendships, but also work or anything else. Big difference between "love" and 'like." Same goes to difference between "need" and want."

Life after Hearing, Literally!

It's been a little over a month since my ear surgery, everything is better than ever. Looking back, I had no idea my hearing was so severe until a few days I walked out of the surgery. My sister had begged me to turn the TV volume down, my boyfriend had told me he had already spoken loud enough, people had told me they were almost yelling at me on the phone, still, I didn't realize how bad my hearing was. I was in denial until today. Everything sounds crisp and clear with only one good ear. I feel that I can hear everything. I still cannot imagine what I was missing in the past and how frustrated I was. I think the biggest problem with hearing loss is inner frustration due to lower self esteem and confidence.

What I have got from the surgery: 1) hot doctor 2) better well..much better hearing 3) a piece of titanium in my ear, which may go off while passing the security station at the airport (see picture on the left. Yah...that's it, but the real one is much smaller. Imagine that lands inside my ear.)

Some of you might find this funny, but really, if you haven't lost your hearing yet. Then don't. Now, I will wait for another year. I will do my left ear as well. I bet by the end of next year. My hearing will be all surrounded sound.

Is the Business-Minded Required?

Okay...I'm really into restaurant business at this point. Someone once said to me that this kind of industry is basically a 'high risk, high return' kind of thing and that requires long hours, especially during the first year. Am I gonna be able to put up with it? The first restaurant I worked for was actually the better one in term of food and their authenticity. But co-workers and their system suck so bad. I am always the kind of person that working environment is very very important to me and that if I'm not happy (even if the place is the hippiest one in town) I have gotta say goodbye. That's why I left. The second restaurant offers a kind of Thai food that has been infused to suit American customers. I'm not saying it's bad, but for Thais, this place might not remind them of home. The restaurant also has an extensive collection of liquors and people are so friendly, funny and easy to get along with. I am happy, so I stay.

Since there is a bar section, I've always loved to hang out in there when getting a chance. I am staying for the sake of happiness and get to know how the place is operated. One thing I have learned so far: you really need to have at least one employee you can trust. Everything is business and costs money.

PS: Watching Laguna Beach while writing this, what a stupid show!

The Sunday

Football Notes: Indianapolis Colts beats Washington Redskins 36-22 at RCA Dome.
Steelers lost 41-38 to the Falcons in Atlanta.

Spent pretty much the whole Sunday watching football. Never thought I finally have become a football freak!

A Disco in Life

Man...last night was fun. It's been a while since I last hung out with some Thais, and yes, a few glasses of Morgan's and Coke helped. It started off around 5pm when arriving at a Thai restaurant on the west side of town to work (well to be exact, to weigh whether I should be in this industry after all.) We had live music played by a local band on the weekend nights, so that spiked up the whole place. It was a slow Friday night according to everybody, so after everything was cooling down, and the band left, we started our own little Thai-wanna-sing karaoke contest.

I told Sam that I love singing (without being afraid it would literally freak every single customer away and they would never return,) but the requirement is: if I am not wasted, that will never happen and that I don't plan to be wasted anytime soon. So we sent our Laotian Dare Devil Chef (P'Bua) up on the stage. Talking about P'Bua, he was pretty sure he wasn't gonna sing tonight while we were all still in the kitchen. He kept saying.."no no no...nothing can make me do that. You will never see me sing." Several cups of beer later, he volunteerly jumped on the stage, and never let the mic go. Last night, we have discovered a hidden star. This guy is damn good. I wonder what the hell he is doing being a chef. We were hanging out in there until pretty late, and everyone has to work today (except me, hahaha.) I wonder how in the world they are going to make it through today. I assume anyone visits the restaurant today will spot some half drunks running around in the kitchen.

Note: I just realize that since I haven't kept up with Thai music in the past...well..at least 4 years. I can't sing new Thai songs. I don't even know them anymore. Also to sing in English? That would be a shame of the family and peers. Pretty sad, huh?

Dead Rising

Okay...it is hard to admit--I am officially now a VDO game addict (the kind of human being I am scared to turn into,) but to look at the bright side. I am only addicted to this one game 'Dead Rising' by Xbox. Since Dan has bought this game, I have been since a wuss. No I never want to play, but watch. It is strange though because by watching someone else playing this game, it gets you hooked. Dead Rising is about this hot photojournalist Frank West (no no no not because it has anything to do with photojournalism makes me like the game)--a hard-edged dude hell bent on investigating the mystery at Willamette Mall in Colorado. Everyone, well almost, in the town have turned Zombie--some slow, some fast. Those zombies are scary as hell. Thank to technology nowadays, those dead beats look damn real!!! (okay! this gives you another reason why I don't wanna play, but only watch.) Besides that, I think what makes this game super cool to play is that everythings goes. You can kill Zombies by using anything--phones, pipe, baseball bats and pretty much everything you see. What make this game interesting is that Frank is not like any other kinds of main charactors in other games. He is not born a great fighter. There are skills he must learn, and once he kills more zombies, passes to next levels, reads more books and so on, killing skills will be built. This takes time. At first, this game looks just like any other killing game, but since everything goes, it gives you chances to do whatever the hell you wanna do. They give you timelines. Within those 72 hours, you have missions. You can do it, but not required to do it. But see, each solved mission is a key, leading to answer all the questions the town has. Man! I have gotta tell Dan to play again! Love it...Now...I sound just like one of them.

NOTE: For those who plan to buy a VDO game, Xbox 360 is worth the price. You will see the differences in graphics, shapeness and etc.

Mixed Kids

Today, I went over to another restaurant by my place to go over of what I would be doing after work at this restaurant. I walked by the kitchen area and saw a cook (from the distance, he looked white to me.) with tattoos and numbers of piercings standing by the stove. I expect a Thai restautant's chef to be Thai--if not--Laos or Cambodian...something like that. But this guy, he is something far from Thai cuisine.

Didn't get a chance to say anything yet. Sak, the restaurant's owner, introduced me to the tattooed guy, Jake, Sak's half brother. Jake is a half Thai-half white american. Sak and Jake share the same mother. Sak is a son from their mom's first marriage with his father--a pure Thai. Looking at Jake, I thought, "wow! your are so lucky having a white dad. See, I don't know what he looks like, but as a result, you and Sak don't even look alike---not at all." No, I just thought, I didn't say it. Here is some thoughts-----Sak is 40-something pure Thai guy with tan complexion, bald, chubby and stalky. Jake is a tall 30-something with really dark brown eyes, hair and a caucasian face. What an opposite. All those mixed kids are so lucky.

Click

I watched this movie 'Click' on DVD today. It is one of those good movies deserved to be seen by everybody. From what I know, it isn't a big-hit-billboard movie or anything like that (especially look on the right, the movie poster/DVD cover suck!), but I love its content. Adam Sandler plays an architech, Newman, who tries to jungle between work and family. As busy as he can be, Newman struggles to get promoted. He works hard to climb to the top, but finds little time left for his family. One day, Newman found this universal remote control--it can be used to stop, rewind and fast forward his life. One thing leads to another. To make a long story short, this movie successfully sends me a message about life, and how you should live for the moment because today will turn tomorrow, and that you cannot go back in time to fix things. It delivers me a message that you should appreciate things you are having--millions little things in your life will mean something to you in the future. This movie is great!!! I didn't expect it to be this good when I first rented it. Go grab one for your own and watch when you get a chance.

So today, after watching Click, I have been feeling gracious all day. I have turned to be a humble gal for a day. Thinking about buying this movie to fill my collection at home to watch when I have a down day. Tip for the day: Don't let DVD cover fool you. Some covers.

Blank Day

I did a little bit of everything today.

Woke up at 10:15 am, showered, went to eat Chinese with Dan, came home by 1 pm, and started watching football games since then. (Note: Steelers beated Kansan City so badly this evening.)

Talked to the restaurant owner about not returning for good. Tried to explain as humanly as possible of why, but it doesn't seem to go through her head, which is understandable. Some people's mental intelligence is just not capable. (Note: She still owes me $100, but pretends she knows nothing about it. Should I try to get the money?)

Ate so much today: Chinese buffet (lots,) 5 pieces of giant cookies, 5 spring rolls, 2 bites of rice, 1 big bowl of mango ice cream, 1 big bowl of boiled soy beans, 1 box of raisin, 1 candy bar......I don't think my stomach can no longer hold my eating habit.