20. Ask "Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?"
19. Count down from 5, then hit them and run away.
18. Slap them on the head, then explain you were trying to kill the bee in their bonnet.
17. Continually interrupt with "...and this bothers you?"
16. Answer everything with "yes" until they become infuriated, then say "probably not" when they ask if you want your *** kicked.
15. Respond to every insult and accusation with a smile and say "and proud of it!", then inform them that their anger is a response to jealousy.
14. Shake your head sadly and moan "if only you'd used your temper for good instead of yelling at me."
13. Hold your wrist up and insist that they slap it. When they do, claim you've been justly punished and they have no right to continue persecuting you.
12. Look at them strangely, then after a while look surprised and go "oh, you're talking about me!"
11. Look at them, astonished, then exclaim "I want the drugs you're on!"
10. Hug them, explain that you feel enlightened, and thank them for putting you in your place.
09. "I really would love to stay and listen, but my goldfish must be getting hungry by now."
08. Interrupt them and ask "should I be jotting any of these points down, cos.' I've already forgotten everything so far."
07. Make sound of a phone ringing. Pick up an imaginary phone after a few rings. "Uh huh. yes, yes he is. uh, it's for you, it's someone who cares."
06. Look past them as though there's something there which is distracting you. When they turn around to see what it is, hit them on the head with an esky lid. Pretend it fell from a tree, even if there are no trees around.
05. "I hear what you're saying. I see your point of view. I understand exactly what you mean. I simply don't give a ****."
04. Wait for a pause, then inform them that there's a vein sticking out near their right temple.
03. If asked what you have to say for yourself, look them calmly in the eye and say tentatively "show me the money?"
02. Look around and say loudly, "would somebody get the kettle, please!"
01. Say "Yell all you want, I won't remember."
Note: They are so funny. Got this off a friend.