I've just now realized, I'm a pretty damn good listener--so far I've acted as a personal counseler to two divorcing cases. Several years later, I am now aware I had picked a wrong major in college. School of Psychology should have been my picked over a decade ago. Damn it!!!
The two cases have something in common--marriages break due to cheaters and those shady affair behind the scene. This is ashame. It gets me to think: why does some people get married anyway when they aren't even ready for commitment? See, I'm not a holy gal. I'm a pretty opened-minded person. But at least, if I've messed something up, I'm not ashame to admit it. At least I'd say, "I'm sorry. I mess it up." Then learn from it. There is no point for a blame game when it though looks so obvious you are the one who causes all these problems. Ah--hem, okay, let's get to the point here. The first case happens to a guy I know. A few weeks back, he's told me about details of his divorcing journey.--it'd be final soon, and that he will be left with nothing. His soon-to-be ex-wife gets the house, the car and parts of his business profits. He has to pay for child support and last, but not least, he claims, "my kids hate me."
Oh...poor thing. That was my first thought. But wait. After he blah blah blah about his life, now I've got an insight. The dude has been messing around with other girls the whole time he's been married. And if you may ask me, he's been married to his wife for like 19 years or so. They have two daughters together--one is 18, one is 16. Now the girls definitely hate him for an obvious reasons. When the kids are that old, they aren't innocent anymore. C'mon, they know what's been going on. They know their mom's been crying. They know their dad ain't faithful to their mom, and on top of all, both are girls. Of course, they aren't happy about it. Now he is asking me why his kids hate him. C'mon now. You've got to be an idiot for not knowing the 'right' answer.
Last weekend, I got a chance to talk to his younger child. She told me about hearing her mother cries and fights between the two. Even though it's just a sentence, but I could almost feel her pain. Now, I look at this father dude. He is whining about why his kids hate him and doesn't get it why. Gosh....he should have thought about it when picking up random girls in bars. I don't feel sympathy, it's just very frustrating to hear. If you may wonder, I didn't really say anything back, but ask him if he really needs the answer from me. Of course, he looked away.
Like I said, we all make mistakes. But the thing is that when you do make mistakes, do you learn from it? Do you have some kind of guts to admit you fucked up?