Hurtin'

I am gonna whine today.

It is ok if you don't know your action is gonna hurt somebody, and end up hurting one. The problem is: what if you know whatever you are doing is gonna cause somebody in pain sooner or later, but you can't help--you go ahead and do whatever you want anyway solely because as much as you hate hurting people, you also wanna spoil yourself a little more. 'Follow your heart' somebody once said. Hell....I've always done just that and my heart never fails to fuck me over--if not me, somebody else's.

To prevent this to happen, I've always stayed clear to whoever I feel that I someday will hurt them to be aware of the 'situation.' I always tell them that even though my behavior/ action/ interaction don't seem to match what I've said, but please remember what I've said exactly because my words speak louder and clearer than my behavior. I will repeat my motto over and over to make sure they understand where I stand. However, my behavior must be ignored. Pretty weird, huh?

Most people misinterpret me. They feel that I am confused and don't know exactly what I want. I don't think so. Just because my behavior is blurry, doesn't mean I don't know what I am doing and what I am gonna do. I find myself, a lot of time, doing stuff in the totally opposite side of what I've said, but hey....like I've said, 'ignore my behavior.' You do whatever you wanna do, but remember one thing, I've done my part even though it sounds pretty selfish. Sorry. But maybe you don't know the whole me just yet.