Impatience

I really don't like myself today for not able to be willing to wait patiently. I know, for the most parts, I have gotta take some times and see how things are going to turn out. Just like a classic advice; "only time can/ will tell".

Nope, that classic crap doesn't apply to many things on my mind today, and actually doesn't seem to fit well in many aspects of my life lately. It's so freaking frustrating and constantly driving me nuts! I mean, at some points, I feel, my anxiety is hitting the roof top; leaving me feeling like shit (excuse my language). It's not a so called *down* feeling, but more of a stupid obsession kinda thing. Hard to explain. That kinda feeling of wanting to speed-things-up-a-little-so-I-don't-waste-my-time feeling is making me hot inside. It's weird. I seem to get that a lot lately.

So I think I need to start spending more time alone; sorting things out. Maybe this is just me or something that I do that causes this crap. Maybe I shouldn't raise expectation or not having any expectation to start with. Maybe I should start thinking about me more and concentrate on today only.

Obsession Continues.......

Here comes my tattoo obsession. I remember having one several years ago. After I finally got my first tatto, the obsession was fading. It was so satisfying to finally get something I had been obsessing over for a long time. It's like an accomplishment.

I never regret having that first tattoo done. I love everything about it.

The same obsession has returned. I will let my obsession getting bigger and bigger and eventually sinking in. I know what I want, just not sure where to have them.

Until then, I will continue to be obsessive....

Weird People or Are they just people who are different

I use the term *weird* very loosely. This is weird. This dish tastes weird. The building has weird shape. This person is weird.

"Weird people" They make me think.....what is weird? What are weird people and what did they do to be titled *weird*.

Weirdness varies. I think. Maybe being weird is just doing things differently than majority of people. Maybe this is weird if most people prefer wearing flip-flops in the summer and you are wearing winter boots. Maybe it is weird if most people like their steak medium and you get it well-done. Being different. Does that make you weird just because you don't go by the flow? Does that make you a weirdo if you think paler skin is more attractive than tanned? Does that make you strange if you hate Mexican food when the rest of America loving it? What is weird?

Are you being weird? or you are just different than others?

The Bushido

Meaning "Way of the Warrior"--is a Japanese Code of Conduct and a way of the samurai life.Seven virtues of Bushido are below:

Rectitude
Courage
Benevolence
Respect
Honesty
Honour
Loyalty

I find it very reasonable to follow the Bushido and practice them as a part of my lifestyle. I guess I just want to share.

Gas Price

I heard that gas price will be going up to $4.99 a gallon some times pretty soon. My thoughts are:

1) WTF!!!!!
2) Biking will be a great exercise (plus save $ too).
3) What was I thinking buying a car that eats gas like a freaking gas pipe! 17 miles a gallon!!!?? I didn't even think about that when I saw its sunroof, 6-disc CD player, leather seats and all those craps.
4) I've just pumped $50 in gas on this past freaking Saturday for an almost full tank, but here it is Monday morning, another $40 spent on halfa tank. WTF!!!

Unexplainable Weird Things

As I've mentioned in a few blogs ago, weird things seem to pop up here and there in my life. It's just simply odd.

This past week, there was another thing happening to me. As much as I want it so badly to share this experience, I'm afraid it'd be way too graphic to explain. I just wanna throw it out there. Let me make up my mind first. Once I think it through how to put them in words, I will start sharing.

Thrill of the Chase

There is really SOMETHING *thrilling* about stuff that is hard to obtain--the harder, the better...the more challenging in a good way.

I don't think I need that in my life at this time. It's just not too healthy for me. What I really need is something that is easier to get and that I need to learn to appreciate what I have in general. I think I need to learn how to really kick back and relax and have the see-what-happens mentality. My mother's always thought me to be patient and to believe that if something is mine, it will always be mine without even trying. If something doesn't mean to be mine, I can try as hard as I can, but it's still not mine. I believe that. I want to be able to adapt that to my lifestyle. I think that is good for me.

Reality is, my ass is always doing the exact opposite. WTF. Anything that is there for me, I tell myself it can wait. I pretty much take it for granted. Anything that is not though, man, I pursue that aggressively. How do I change that? It can be tiring.

OCD

I self diagnosed myself last night and am almost sure I have some kind of obsessive compulsive disorders. I guess I've always had certain characteristics for that, but never really put too much thoughts into it until last night.

Man....I had had a blast just thinking about it! Well..no I didn't. I don't. I wont have a blast.

Obsessive thoughts are the worst I think. Struggling to control my actions as a consequence from my thoughts is horrible. There is something called *temptation* that is waiting by the door.

Thoughts.......temptation......self control? then....outcomes.
Thoughts.......temptation......no self control...then.....bad things.

Another Jersey

Imagine how much money Reebox makes selling licensed jersey alone each season....?

I bought another jersey this year--# 44 Dallas Clark. It's blue for home games. $80 something later, I walked out of Dick's feeling really dumb. What make me spend $80 freaking dollar on a nylon easy-to-put-together jersey like that? Wow...I did feel dumb...as a matter of fact, I've been feeling dumb until today. Yup, I spent that on number 44 and that the thing that said *authorized NFL license; Reebox*.

Then on Sunday, it was the Colts first home game at its brand new Lucas Oil Stadium. Now, I don't feel as dumb anymore. Apparently, if I am, I have so many friends wearing white and blue being dumb with me.

It's the football season, I guess I better start forgetting about the price tag......

A Least Expected Thing

I've actually seen this happens here and there. You know when you are really expecting something or trying very hard to search for an answer, you don't seem to accomplish or not soon enough. When you don't expect it, not even thinking about it, or have already moved on, things have been answered unexpectedly.

There is this one particular person I have long forgotten. Today, randomly, he shows up. I'm not saying this is a good or a bad thing, but it happens out of the blue. I'm thrill to see him again, but at the same time, it brings back certain feelings, which is not always a good thing.

Have you ever thought what's the point of all these? Life is just getting more interesting everyday.

Is this fate? or is it just life in general?

Pure Frustration

I have been so pissed off today on something I have ZERO control over.

So a month or so ago, the company I work for has been merging with another one. Problem is all the PTO (paid time off) I have collected, they said they were going to pay it off, cut me a check blah blah blah. My first piss-off is...I didn't even ask for it. Vacation is another thing money can't buy. Money can buy you a nice vacation, but vacation will not happen without PTO. See, now you know how I feel about losing my PTO.

Anyhow, I have over 100 hours of PTO, which is equal about $3000. It sounds pretty nice at first to have a big chunk of money coming my way, but heck, I realized a week or so that this check is taxable.

So receiving the check is morning is really painful. I will not be able to get over this for a while. $700 taken out? WTF!!!!! I could have used that for a little vacation time!!!!

Weird Week

These past two weeks have been weird.....very weird.

Weird # 1 There was a fire at my apartment on August 7th. This drunk dude on the third floor decided to set his t-shirt on fire. As a result, everybody had to evaculate. Two rooms on the second floors were ruined. I got lucky, my apartment is almost untouched. But see, since there are some leaking on the third floor, my landlord put five industrial fans in my cribs. Very annoying.

Weird # 2 People. I have met a few weird/ confused people in the past two weeks. Normally this doesn't happen to me a whole lot, but for some odd reasons, I guess I hit the jackpot in the past two weeks.

Weird # 3 As much as I think motorcycle is dangerous, I got on one today. It reminds me so much of what adrenerine is and how much fun it can be to just go fast regardless. I wore the helmet tight so that if something ever happened, all my brain will be in the same place, LOL.

Weird # 4 I used to hate texting. *used to* I used to think texting is such as weird hobby and wondered why people don't just call each other. Now I'm a texting junkie. I even got an unlimited texing on my phone over the weekend....very weird.

There are a few other weird stuff going on. I wonder what's up with my life?!

Beautiful Ad

I think this print ad is beautiful. I also think the designs on the Grey Goose bottles are stunning and very inviting. The vodka itself probably doesn't cost much, but we all consumers pay for these eye candies.

A Tired Saturday

I will feel like craps for the rest of the day--I already know from the feeling I had when I first got up this morning.

Went to Lulu's--a northside lounge--last night; being up until 4 in the morning. Three hours later, I dragged myself out to go to work. What a miserable life I have.....working on Saturday once again. Speaking of last night, I dressed down big BIG time for the spot. I literally wear a granny skirt (for comfy purposes) with a shirt and a flip-flop. When I got there, I knew I was unforgivably off. Definitely not a place to dress down because people may think you are picnicing. All I needed last night was a wooden basket filled with muffin, then I would have been completed as a picnic lady.

I will have a get together with a friend from work tonight. Not too sure how I will make it. Maybe a nap or so later on will do.

Untitled

After a few drinks, this is what happened a couple of weeks ago. From left G-Lo, Me, Marsha and Jen--a night out at a lived Blues and Jazz bar--the Slippery Noodles in downtown Indianapolis.

After that visit, I went there over and over. Aside from the fact that this bar located across the parking lot from my apartment, the music is awesome!.

It must be the age. I tend to enjoy lived music bar where I can sit back and relax over those crowded dance pubs.

Risks

I don't usually take risks. From my experiences, risks come with prices--some are good, some are bad. Whenever I take a risk, it usually ends badly.

Recently, there have been a few changes in my life. Job has been modified. I will be moving into a new apartment. My brother is coming to the US so soon. I have been thinking about returning to Thailand for good. Most importantly, one of the very few most important persons in my life will no longer fits well in this category. For whatever reason, years ago I have taken this risk and now it does not end up where I thought it would be.

At the same time, there is a new event occurred in my life--very randomly. I've never considered myself a risk taker, but now I wonder if I should.

There is a difference between *want* and *need*....a big difference.

Do I take this shot?

or do I just simply avoid the price that comes with risks by walking away now?

True Love

I believe most of us are blind and are more selfish when we are in love. When we are loving somebody, we want all of them. We want another person to be who we want them to be, we want them to act certain ways and ultimately, to love us as much as we love them. We are upset and disappointed when things don't go certain ways. Many times, we rely on another person way too much and having expectations that are not approachable.



Is it really practical?



I took a philosophy class when I was back in college. The professor talked about love. What is love? and what about unconditional love?



He says, true love must be unconditional. Love with no expectations. Love with feeling that we don't need anything in return. The true love is a feeling that we should be happy; simply just because the one you love is happy. True love does not expect ownership. True love is giving, regardless. True love is forgiving. We don't need to have another person to be ours to love them.

10 Thoughts of Life by Me # 1

1) Treat people with respect and they will give you the same.
2) What goes around, comes around. It's just a matter of time.
3) When you treat people like shit, they will probably do the same to you.
4) Nobody can dictate how you are going to run your life, if you don't want them around, just tell them.
5) Family should be the most important thing in your life because at the end of the day, nobody really gives a shit about you except your own family.
6) Don't take loved ones for granted, they will eventually give up on you.
7) People who bitch, nag and complain at you are those who actually care.
8) If you care about someone, don't lose their trust. Once the trust is broken, it takes a long time to earn it back and you don't even know whether you will be able to earn it back EVER.
9) White lies are at times essential. It's just if you need to use one, make sure it is for a good cause.
10) You can make mistakes and many of them. You just need to be able to suck it up and learn from your mistakes.

The Doggy Obsession

For over the years, I've always wanted a dog and the only reason I don't have one yet because I just want to make sure I don't turn to be that kind of people I hate--those that buy a dog and are unable to commit the it. All puppies are cute, but I do not want the cuteness to blind my judgement, so I'm still thinking. Since I've been thinking, now it turns to be my obsession. I happen to prefer bigger dogs, so I need to think a little harder I guess since I don't own a house. So space is an issue. In response to my obsession, in the next few days, I will be posting pictures of dogs I consider. A few of them.

Photos: Bernese Mountain Dogs

How to Photograph a New Puppy

English Mastiff

Gold Retrievers

Labrador Retrievers

Remove film from box and load camera.

Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

Choose a suitable background for photo. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

Put magazines back on coffee table.

Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

Clean up mess. Fix a drink. Sit back in chair with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.