Impatience

I really don't like myself today for not able to be willing to wait patiently. I know, for the most parts, I have gotta take some times and see how things are going to turn out. Just like a classic advice; "only time can/ will tell".

Nope, that classic crap doesn't apply to many things on my mind today, and actually doesn't seem to fit well in many aspects of my life lately. It's so freaking frustrating and constantly driving me nuts! I mean, at some points, I feel, my anxiety is hitting the roof top; leaving me feeling like shit (excuse my language). It's not a so called *down* feeling, but more of a stupid obsession kinda thing. Hard to explain. That kinda feeling of wanting to speed-things-up-a-little-so-I-don't-waste-my-time feeling is making me hot inside. It's weird. I seem to get that a lot lately.

So I think I need to start spending more time alone; sorting things out. Maybe this is just me or something that I do that causes this crap. Maybe I shouldn't raise expectation or not having any expectation to start with. Maybe I should start thinking about me more and concentrate on today only.

Obsession Continues.......

Here comes my tattoo obsession. I remember having one several years ago. After I finally got my first tatto, the obsession was fading. It was so satisfying to finally get something I had been obsessing over for a long time. It's like an accomplishment.

I never regret having that first tattoo done. I love everything about it.

The same obsession has returned. I will let my obsession getting bigger and bigger and eventually sinking in. I know what I want, just not sure where to have them.

Until then, I will continue to be obsessive....

Weird People or Are they just people who are different

I use the term *weird* very loosely. This is weird. This dish tastes weird. The building has weird shape. This person is weird.

"Weird people" They make me think.....what is weird? What are weird people and what did they do to be titled *weird*.

Weirdness varies. I think. Maybe being weird is just doing things differently than majority of people. Maybe this is weird if most people prefer wearing flip-flops in the summer and you are wearing winter boots. Maybe it is weird if most people like their steak medium and you get it well-done. Being different. Does that make you weird just because you don't go by the flow? Does that make you a weirdo if you think paler skin is more attractive than tanned? Does that make you strange if you hate Mexican food when the rest of America loving it? What is weird?

Are you being weird? or you are just different than others?

The Bushido

Meaning "Way of the Warrior"--is a Japanese Code of Conduct and a way of the samurai life.Seven virtues of Bushido are below:

Rectitude
Courage
Benevolence
Respect
Honesty
Honour
Loyalty

I find it very reasonable to follow the Bushido and practice them as a part of my lifestyle. I guess I just want to share.

Gas Price

I heard that gas price will be going up to $4.99 a gallon some times pretty soon. My thoughts are:

1) WTF!!!!!
2) Biking will be a great exercise (plus save $ too).
3) What was I thinking buying a car that eats gas like a freaking gas pipe! 17 miles a gallon!!!?? I didn't even think about that when I saw its sunroof, 6-disc CD player, leather seats and all those craps.
4) I've just pumped $50 in gas on this past freaking Saturday for an almost full tank, but here it is Monday morning, another $40 spent on halfa tank. WTF!!!

Unexplainable Weird Things

As I've mentioned in a few blogs ago, weird things seem to pop up here and there in my life. It's just simply odd.

This past week, there was another thing happening to me. As much as I want it so badly to share this experience, I'm afraid it'd be way too graphic to explain. I just wanna throw it out there. Let me make up my mind first. Once I think it through how to put them in words, I will start sharing.

Thrill of the Chase

There is really SOMETHING *thrilling* about stuff that is hard to obtain--the harder, the better...the more challenging in a good way.

I don't think I need that in my life at this time. It's just not too healthy for me. What I really need is something that is easier to get and that I need to learn to appreciate what I have in general. I think I need to learn how to really kick back and relax and have the see-what-happens mentality. My mother's always thought me to be patient and to believe that if something is mine, it will always be mine without even trying. If something doesn't mean to be mine, I can try as hard as I can, but it's still not mine. I believe that. I want to be able to adapt that to my lifestyle. I think that is good for me.

Reality is, my ass is always doing the exact opposite. WTF. Anything that is there for me, I tell myself it can wait. I pretty much take it for granted. Anything that is not though, man, I pursue that aggressively. How do I change that? It can be tiring.

OCD

I self diagnosed myself last night and am almost sure I have some kind of obsessive compulsive disorders. I guess I've always had certain characteristics for that, but never really put too much thoughts into it until last night.

Man....I had had a blast just thinking about it! Well..no I didn't. I don't. I wont have a blast.

Obsessive thoughts are the worst I think. Struggling to control my actions as a consequence from my thoughts is horrible. There is something called *temptation* that is waiting by the door.

Thoughts.......temptation......self control? then....outcomes.
Thoughts.......temptation......no self control...then.....bad things.

Another Jersey

Imagine how much money Reebox makes selling licensed jersey alone each season....?

I bought another jersey this year--# 44 Dallas Clark. It's blue for home games. $80 something later, I walked out of Dick's feeling really dumb. What make me spend $80 freaking dollar on a nylon easy-to-put-together jersey like that? Wow...I did feel dumb...as a matter of fact, I've been feeling dumb until today. Yup, I spent that on number 44 and that the thing that said *authorized NFL license; Reebox*.

Then on Sunday, it was the Colts first home game at its brand new Lucas Oil Stadium. Now, I don't feel as dumb anymore. Apparently, if I am, I have so many friends wearing white and blue being dumb with me.

It's the football season, I guess I better start forgetting about the price tag......

A Least Expected Thing

I've actually seen this happens here and there. You know when you are really expecting something or trying very hard to search for an answer, you don't seem to accomplish or not soon enough. When you don't expect it, not even thinking about it, or have already moved on, things have been answered unexpectedly.

There is this one particular person I have long forgotten. Today, randomly, he shows up. I'm not saying this is a good or a bad thing, but it happens out of the blue. I'm thrill to see him again, but at the same time, it brings back certain feelings, which is not always a good thing.

Have you ever thought what's the point of all these? Life is just getting more interesting everyday.

Is this fate? or is it just life in general?